Obligatory DVD Release Post 9/20/2011

New Releases:

Bridesmaids: Right, so I suppose it's about high time I step up to the plate and watch this one. I'm a bit concerned given the near obsessive references to The Hangover - a movie to which my opinion of has only dwindled since its first impression of mediocrity - though I understand it's just the easy, go to comedy to relate things to. Which is why I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. In fact, we could just relate all films in their relative quality to The Hangover. Seriously. I'd kill to see an in depth analysis between The Smurfs and The Hangover.

Other Releases of Note - An Invisible Sign (shouldn't have taken the sign-be-gone ointment), Bride Flight (*shrug*), We Are the Night (*double shrug*), Jig (*triple shrug*), and Circo (*quadruple shrug*)


Other Goodies:

Dumbo (70th Anniversary Edition): I wouldn't even dare begin to count the number of times I've had a "I don't know, what do you want to do?" conversation where both parties were acutely aware of the Dumbo references being made. Classic.

Breakfast at Tiffanys (50th Anniversary Edition): It's Audrey Hepburn, what more do you need to know?

Les Cousins & Le Beau Serge (Criterion Releases): One of these days I'm going to go full mental and just burn through all the Criterion dvds.... one days.

Well folks that's about all I've got for you this week. I know it isn't much, but Hollywood just doesn't consult me on their DVD release schedule. Otherwise, I'm certain this would be a far more awesome post week in and week out. Oh well, at least I'll always have killer pandas to keep me company. Happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 9/13/2011

Hi, remember me? That's right, like that guy who you met at the supermarket the other week, only to find out he's strangely managed to sync his shopping schedule with yours, I'm back! Obligatory DVD Release Post time!

New Releases:

Thor: Why is it the entire time I was watching this movie I kept thinking about Prince Charming from Shrek 3 singing out "with soft 'n bouncy hair!" Does that make me weird? In my defense, Thor's hair was obviously the true source of all his power. And to think he wasted all that time in search of a hammer. All he really needed to do was take those golden locks and swing 'em, Rapunzel style, at his enemies. Job done.

Meek's Cutoff: Seems a bit possessive. After all, what makes Meek so special? Why can't it be everybody's Cutoff? Besides, since this is a western - of sorts - does the so called Cutoff take place near a Pass? If not, then I think someone has failed in their responsibility of making the name for every obscure film implicitly non explicit!

Incendies: Been waiting for this one forever. About time too. I was just two days short of having to charge Hollywood on a moped with a bamboo stick for a spear and demand its release.

Other Notable releases: The Tempest, Conan O'Brien Can't Stop, and Hesher

Other Goodies:

Star Wars: The Complete Saga (Blu-Ray): You know, I'm surprised this is being released today. I really haven't heard a thing about it. You know, usually when Lucas re-releases the Star Wars saga there's this whole uproar about him ruining everything. But this time, really, not so much. Pretty quiet across the board... I suppose that just means everyone's fine with it. Good. Well that settles that then.

The Frighteners (Blu-Ray): Who would have known that way back in 1996 Peter Jackson would have perfectly predicted how my life would turn out. Just another reason I love his work.

Citizen Kane (Blu-Ray): Here's a little film you might have heard of. You know, only called one of the greatest movies ever a handful of times. Not nearly as much as the teenagers who just came out of Transformers 3 showing, but you know, it's all relative really.

Trainspotting (Blu-Ray): Still one of the best opening and closing monologues of all time.

Happy hunting everybody!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 8/23/2011

Always look on the bright side of life... especially if you're tied to a cross with a collection of aspiring prophets and vagabonds in desperate need of a sing off. Hey, why isn't any Monty Python DVD getting another release lately? Are the studios behind? I could have sworn they signed a law requiring no less than 92 Monty Python DVD re-releases per year....

New Releases:

Win Win: Of course this is a Win Win. Paul Giamatti and Thomas McCarthy, score! Amy Ryan is in this too? Double-Triple super score! If this movie ends up sucking, Shakespeare himself will come back to life just to write a tragedy about it, of course that's after he does all the basic talk shows and tries to hide the embarrassment that the movie Rome and Jewel exists and it's partially his fault (+1 point for obscure references nobody gets). Back to the movie, I do want this to be good, but I'm not sure it will be. Like most McCarthy films it just kind of got dumped out there by the studio who then hid behind bushes to see if any Oscar traction takes hold. However, Giamatti is kind of becoming the king of the obscure mid-indie Oscar film that doesn't really get any Oscar nominations.

Pom Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold: I don't know, this movie seems like it's just a blatant product placement. Not to be confused of course with my upcoming film Doritos Nacho Cheese Presents: The Rise and Fall of Pepsi Man 2 - The Legend of Dunkin' Donuts. It's really a personal film; very much a project I've kept close to my heart for a long time. And now, to be able to bring it to screen in Sony high definition 3D technology at your local Carmike Cinemas, is just very important to me. So I hope, deep down that after having seen it you'll pick up your iPhone 3.14GPi and text "Kayne West" to 129MTV and help save a large corporate machine which markets itself as caring about you right away.

The Beaver: Well Mel Gibson, I can safely say this - the odds of you going back to back RoShamBo champion are now zilch! This year it's all mine! Muhahahahahahaha

TrollHunter: Silly Norwegians, don't they know that you can hire Paul Hogan to come and exterminate all your Trolls for a simple fee of just $92 a year? (he needs the work) The USA has been doing it for years now - it's so the 'hip' thing for countries to do. Look, send me a message and I'll hook you up.

Other Goodies:

Roger Corman's Cult Classics Sword and Sorcery Collection: You know, if you're into that kind of thing.

Obligatory DVD Release Post 8/16/2011

Some weeks I wonder if this post is even worth it... then I remember it's most opportunity to make fun of the films that aren't!

New Releases:

Jane Eyre: I have to be honest, this movie has been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now. Something about the marketing really turned me off it, but the word of mouth reaching my ears has been nothing short of generous. All of which makes me wonder - should I check it out or not?

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil 3D: I have to say this right now, that title makes me die a little bit inside. In fact, if anyone thought Rise of the Planet of the Apes was bad, they need to read that title a good three or four more times to really understand how good it is by comparison. In fact, I think I'm going to go cry now. Just don't interrupt me, I think I'll need a moment or two.

Priest: Paul Bettany, you're killing me here! You know there's few actors I enjoy watching more than you light up the screen, but come on! Give me a break and please try to do something we can all get behind. Heck, I even watched Legion for you. That's got to earn me at least a few brownie points in getting you back on the good film bandwagon. Do something else like Young Victoria, that was pretty good, even though you didn't have to do much. It's a start, right?

Something Borrowed: Bleh, blah, bloo, blee, bah humbug. Take this if you will, but please just leave me out of it!

Other Releases: The Conspirator (take that Abraham Lincoln)

Other Goodies:

Demolition Man (Blu-Ray): Simon says hell to the yeah! How does this movie have only a 6.3 on IMDB? What is wrong with those people? I accept nothing less than a 7.2 - what the original Transformers movie holds. If the supreme power of Stallone + Snipe + Glenn Shadix (RiP) can't equate to more than Lebouf + Anderson + vaguely discernible Robots then I pity the world.

Cul-De-Sac (Criterion DVD/Blu-Ray): I quite remember watching this because it had Donald Pleasence in it and enjoying it well enough.

The Killing (Criterion DVD/Blu-Ray): Sterling Hayden and Stanley Kubrick? Yes please.


Alright that's all I've got for you this week, happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 08/09/2011

Hey look, it's time for another installment of the Obligatory DVD Release Post with me, Univarn, as opposed to the 50000 other writers for this blog who have decided to move to Acapulco and begin the world's largest - and indeed only - Eddie Murphy tribute band.

New Releases:

Paul: Pegg, Frost, meet me at camera five. Look, you know I love you. Hot Fuzz, Spaced, Shaun of the Dead are personal favorites and I love watching them time and again. But listen, I'm really struggling to get up the nerve to watch this... it just looks so, bleh. And Pegg after I forgave you for trying to out crap-accent Anton Yelchin in Star Trek, I believe I deserve better.So how's about this, if I watch it and end up not liking it, you owe me another Edgar Wright endeavor - you know fulfill your own director-acting team trilogy of sorts. It's for the greater good.

Jumping the Broom: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this week's installment of the greatest show on earth - INVERSE LIMBO! In the right corner coming in at two anorexic Hollywood models pounds, and standing a healthy better than you distance above your head, it's the overtly posh family! And in the left corner, coming in varying degrees of skinny but respectable to fat, loud, and proud, but all in a way you can relate to, it's the everyday joe family! Posh Family Ready? Everyday Joe Family Ready? Limbo Stick Ready? INVERSE LIMBO! - coming to a tv near you this fall.

Your Highness: Hehe, get it, Your HIGHness, rofl, lawl, lol, omg. Y u no c dis movie? Dis movie is awesum ya kno? Eck, I feel like I need a shower now after typing that. Maybe I'll watch this, but don't hold your breath for it.

Super: I've heard a lot of mixed things about this, not sure where I stand. Then again, it does have Kevin Bacon playing villain Kevin Bacon.

Mars Needs Moms: Why doesn't Hollywood just hire a movie goalie whose job is to save them the embarrassment of making a movie like this - which everyone had to know was going to crash and burn.

The Last Godfather: *shrug*, yeah I've not heard of it either. Judging by the rocking 2.7 IMDB score, I'd say it's for the best that I never do.

Other Goodies:

The Battle of Algiers (Blu-Ray): It's applicability to now is unmistakable, and that is perhaps why I find this movie so heartbreaking to watch.

Dazed and Confused (Blu-Ray): no matter what you think of this film, there's nothing quite like a good ol' fashion game of "Hey, that's Adam Goldberg." You know you wanna play!



Alright that's all I've got for you this week, happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 8/1/2011

Never fear, Uni is here with all the DVD action you could ever want... and a wiiii bit more.

New Releases:

Rio: There's nothing quite like a bird that can't fly but still possesses the ability to speak fluent English. It's a real treat that instead of soaring in the breeze, it manages to create a lot of hot wind. On the plus side, we get to say "look at the funny birdy" over and over again until we're blue in the face... much the same color as the bird itself. Fun stuff, now where are my cookies?

Soul Surfer: In all honesty if this was actually a movie about someone who would mold souls into the shape of a board and then surf across the ocean in some odd spiritual connection of humanity and earth, I'd watch it. Otherwise, I just feel like saying "wait, is that really Dennis Quaid?" for two hours is a waste.

The Perfect Game: *insert cheap baseball joke here* - trust me, the ones I came up with are just mean. That said, Clifton Collins Jr and Cheech Marin.... gah, I do have self control, I do have self control, I do have self control, deeeeeep breaths, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breaths. Whew, close call.

Other Goodies:

The Magnificent Seven (Blu-Ray): Simply put, one of the top 5 best remakes ever made.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Blu-Ray): Or you could just wait for Comedy Central to show it again... may be easier (and more cost effective)

Better Off Dead (Blu-Ray): John Cusack has to be one of the 'untouchables' in Hollywood in my eyes. I just enjoy watching him no matter how crummy the film is, so you can imagine I'll be checking this one out sooner or later.

Conan the Barbarian and Destroyer (Blu-Ray): Ah just in time to help hype up a remake that nobody asked for, and by the looks of the commercials, nobody wants.



Happy hunting everybody!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 07/26/2011

New Releases:

Source Code: For the longest time I've been trying to figure out what Jake Gyllenhaal should do when Hollywood wises up that he's just not a big box office draw. Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy him as an actor. It's just that, on the whole, his movies don't really explode onto the scene. They generally limp into the US and slide in safe at home overseas after all the tabloids have gone on to brighter things. So I figured it out, he should become the anti-Old Spice commercial ninja! Whenever one of those annoying people pop on to ramble on about their own awesomeness due to something as arbitrary as their deodorant, he swings out of nowhere, karate chops them, then flies off into the night! My own version of Robin Hood *tear*

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night: You know it's the night because you can hear the crickets echoing throughout the theater. Sorry Routh this was a strictly fanboy only zone.

Ironclad: Well, that theatrical run didn't last long now did it? It's OK, Giamatti, we still believe in you!

Other Goodies:

High and Low (Criterion/Blu-Ray): For my money this is Kurosawa's most often overlooked masterpiece. It doesn't work for everyone quite as well as I would like but to those who enjoy it, it's a wonder to behold.

Leon Morin, Priest (Criterion/Blu-Ray): I know Melville far better by name than I do by content - having only seen Le Samurai, though I've heard great things about his Army of Shadows. Perhaps he's a director I should tackle in a future series here on LiE?

Donnie Darko (10th Anniversary Blu-Ray): While I still hold this movie in high regard, I have to be honest - all the constant releases and hubbub about it is getting old...


Well, there you have it ladies and gents so pack in the purse, stuff the wallet and head on out and support your local DVD store! If you don't have a DVD store, support your local sheriff instead (we must do as the movies request of us after all). Happy Hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 07/19/2011

Have no fear, while my elder brother has left this world I am still here. Leader of the Obligatory charge into the abyss of cinematic ramblings from a mind so warped, even wormholes look upon it and go 'wtf mate?' Welcome, to the next installment of the Obligatory DVD Release Post!

New Releases:

Limitless: Bradley Cooper - living proof that just so long as you have blue eyes and a passably solid body, anyone will call you sexy. Especially if you exude "lovable asshole" with every passing word that seeps out of your mouth. His sudden rise to "OMG" among some of my fellow female bloggers completely boggles my mind. Then again, it could be worse. When Taylor Lautner appeared in the trailer for whatever that star vehicle he's in - that also stars real talent much to my distress (Weaver and Molina? Come on!!!! *cries*) - there were literally screams from some of the girls in the audience. So much so that they actually drowned out my wailing of fear! Oh well, Cooper - you've earned your roles... just forgive me but I've got nothing for you. The only movie you've done that sits in my good graces is The A-Team. Your bandwagon most definitely took a sharp turn right when you came close to me.

Take Me Home Tonight: Also known as - that movie with that '80s theme and song in the trailer that '80s nostalgia freaks flocked to, only to promptly return in shame and despair mourning their loss money. Topher Grace, adding a decade to the end of your biggest success isn't going to make us forget Spider-Man 3, just accept it.

Potiche: I don't have anything to say except that I saw a picture of Gerard Depardieu and immediately started jumping up and down for joy. He just has that effect on me, what can I say?

Other Goodies:

Beauty and the Beast (1946 - Criterion Collection): I've heard this is one of the best imaginings of this classic tale - we shall see...

Boyz N the Hood (Blu-Ray): It's hard to remember John Singleton when he was a promising up and coming director with all the makings of an eventual Oscar mainstay. You know, as opposed to the poor man's tentpole film director that he's become known for now. *tear*

Amelie (Blu-Ray): You know why this is here, if I have to explain you and me need to have a little talk.

Other Blu-Ray releases: Chocolat, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, and Bridget Jones' Diary

Well, that's all I've got for you today - good luck and happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 07/12/2011

Alright, here we go for a super streamlined addition of the Obligatory DVD Release Post!

New Releases:

Rango: Alright, so I admit it - if you're going to pull a Sergio Leone homage the odds are highly in your favor that I'll be crying tears of joy.

The Lincoln Lawyer: Teams up with the Chevette Public Defender in a cage match to do the death against the Mercedes District Attorney! This FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY... only on Pay Per View. Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Insidious: I know some people who have really been eating this up, but I'm still on the fence about bothering to check it out. May put this on the Halloween queue.

Arthur: Dudley Moore is a legend... Russell Brand is just kind of there all the time. Enough said.

Other Releases: [REC] 2, Miral, and Waking Madison

*Note - Arthur and Rango are 'technically' going to be released this Friday but whatever.

Other Goodies:

TCM Greatest Classic Legends: A whole bunch of four packs coming out of the TCM slot today including stars: Lucille Ball, Burt Lancaster, Elizabeth Taylor, and english pairings Shakespeare Films and Literary Romance!

Happy Hunting everybody!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 06/28/2011

Dear god, please don't look. Run away! Flee while you still can. Don't worry about me, I'm lost now. The eternal abyss has me. There's no way out. Fly! Fly while you still can!

New Releases:

Sucker Punch: In other words - the feeling every audience member felt as soon as the credits roll.

Beastly: Hey, pretty and rich people have feelings too... but only when they're ugly and poor. Nice try Hollywood, you can't sneak that turd past the ol' Uni.

Season of the Witch: Season 2 was so much better than Season 1. *faux snob effort to relate to this movie*

The Warrior's Way: To make scrambled eggs! First, you whip out your sword, perform a downward slice across the egg, jump the kick the yolk into a pan you've you placed on an oven over fifty feet away. Then, using only your chi send an onslaught of careful timed, and organized waves of air at the pan, stirring the eggs in the process (be careful not to spill them). Allow the eggs to cool off befor finally using your grappling hook to grab the pan and whip it in your direction. Make out with Kate Boseworth, high five Geoffrey Rush, and bon appetite.

Barney's Version: Thank god for this or you'd find me in the dumpster, eating trash and begging the gods for a way out.

Other Goodies:

Lord of the Rings - Extended Edition Trilogy (Blu-Ray Box Set): You tease to me far too much, blu-ray, but I shall not bend to your demands!

Dawn of the Dead (Blu-Ray, Director's Cut): Will this be one of those films we watch alongside 300 years from now for a 'two-film directors that could have been' marathon? Could team it up with Sixth Sense and Unbreakable.

Black Moon (Blu-Ray Criterion): I swear, I could look at the cover art for this all day.

Well, that about does it folks. Enjoy your Tuesday and, as always, happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 6/21/2011

Hi, I'm Mr. Bandwagon, and this guy is the shit!

First up -

Emilio Estevez was robbed! So, since he's not here, I'd just like to throw out a big thank you to everyone who voted for me. A major congrats to my fellow humorist, Four of Them for being super awesome. And last, but not least, a promise that I will continue to write as much stupid and random stuff as my brain can process until you all are tired of it. If you're thinking "I already am" then welcome to hell! Jon Lovitz is out getting a smoke break, but while you're waiting to meet the big man, check out this humor packed (*cough*) installment of Obligatory DVD Release Post!

New Releases:

Unknown: You know what would have made this movie an epic masterpiece of indisputable stature? Flying Koala Bears of Doom. Without that, all you've got is Liam Neeson walking, driving, and snarling. That's it. He doesn't ride a kangaroo into war, bitch slap an alligator, or even conquer the evil fortress of his arch-nemesis (Ewan McGregor's ponytail) in a mesmerizing spectacle of chicken karate. Lame... I mean, the least they could have done is get Frank Langella to play a '60s blaxploitation pimp.

The Adjustment Bureau: Why doesn't Matt Damon just get it over with already? He has all the markers. He's been trying for years. Is he worried that Robert Downey Jr.'s already ruined the opportunity? Nah, it's golden! For once and for all he can defy the laws of the universe and finally take the role he was born to play. Matt Damon is Team America's Puppet Matt Damon as Matt Damon in Bourne IV: Matt Damon! I'd pay to see it. You would too. Don't lie.

The Eagle: Is currently getting the shit kicked out of it while the world sits around wondering when o' when will Jamie Bell ever step up and take a role in a film anybody wants to watch. Bell, this is reality calling. It's telling you to wake the hell up. Channing Tatum and Hayden Christensen? Are you trying to siphon all their nothingness into a blackhole of costar roles?

Cedar Rapids: As a kid people always asked me if I was related to Jesse Helms. Now I keep getting asked if I'm related to Ed Helms. If a Ryan Helms pops up into the world of cinema and makes it big, I swear I'm going full Bolton on this!

Represent!

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules: Well... I believe I've finally met my match. Simply put, I ain't got a thing to say.


Other Goodies:

Kiss Me Deadly: Robert Aldrich is a clean sheet in my books. Yet to see a movie of his I truly dislike.

Rather sparse from my perspective, but maybe some people can enlighten me on the merits of the rest of the week's classical offerings -

Honeymoon Machine (Steve McQueen?), Toward the Unknown, Don't Go Near the Water, and Horizontal Lieutenant


Well that's all ladies and gents, happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 06/14/2011

Do not move a muscle or the Tyrannosaurus Shakey Cam will attack!

New Releases:

Battle: Los Angeles: Oh, Jonathan Liebesman, you had us all fooled. Trying to sneak in a sleeper promising directorial effort with The Killing Room. Not saying it's a good film - just showed potential. Of course, when you host Nic Cannon as a center boy and selling point, it doesn't take much to show promise. Now, I do admit you stepped up to the A-League with the Eckhart pickup, but you failed to recognize Eckhart is not a stand alone commodity. No, the cast of second rate television makers didn't help your cause either. Shuffling talent like Michael Pena and Bridget Moynahan to the background sure wasn't a smart move. Don't even get me started on Michelle Rodriguez. Then again, you could have bothered to just make a good film. Weird, I know.

Hall Pass: Hey look it's a bunch of grown men pretending to be young men, with a label in reference to adolescents! Hilarious! Excuse me while I go and put the finishing touches on my memoir 'Wedgies' - the trying but sardonic dark comedy about a group of young men who get to be middle aged through collecting the souls of youth. Haha! You're interested aren't you? I win.

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen: Correct me if I'm off pace here but I'm pretty sure there's been at least more than one fist in the history of all humanity. Not to mention, I'm sure a few others have some damned decent stories to go along with them. So what does this guy have that gets him the title 'the fist' and copyright to the entirety of that tale. Seems a bit presumptuous. Maybe I'll start my own legend, and get a movie deal for myself one day - "Legend of the Kneecap: Rise of Univarn!" Hey, has a nice ring to if you don't mind me saying so.

Red Riding Hood: You know what this movie needed? Tony Montana. Just saying.


Other Goodies:

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Collector's Edition): Also known as - wait one or two years and get a full collectors box set of the whole shebang. Or wait twenty years and get to watch interviews with the kids, and play the game "which one has fattened up the most?"

The Makioka Sisters (Criterion): *shrug* It's Criterion... wish I could say more.

Insignificance (Criterion): See prior comment.

The Cincinnati Kid (Blu-Ray): How Karl Malden, Edward G. Robinson, and Steve McQueen managed to escape this film without forming their own three-piece boy band is beyond me.


Well that's all I've got for you today, happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 06/07/2011

Finally! Some movies I actually feel like watching among the new releases. Of course, they can't all be winners... awkward!

New Releases:

True Grit: Nothing quite like spending two hours watching a couple blokes and a young girl ride horseback through the woods to force you into debating what superpower each actor would have if they were in a Marvel film. I'm guessing Jeff Bridges would have the power of being that guy who seems smart, but still fatherly, while standing vaguely in the background for most scenes. Matt Damon would obviously have the power of chalkboards, I think that's rather self explanatory (*shrug*). While Hailee Steinfeld would likely have the power to melt the hearts of critics with her eyes. Odd powers, admittedly, but to be fair Marvel is beginning to grasp at straws - probably why I'm starting to work on my own comic book StrawMan! See? Bad jokes, and horrible cheese - just like mom used to make.

Just Go With It: No, I refuse. See kids? See how that was done? I made up my own mind, and refused to partake in an act I was quite aware was wrong (i.e. watch an Adam Sandler movie). It's called thinking for myself, you should try it some day. Now excuse me while I go spend the next three hours budgeting out five easy payments of $19.95 for my brand new vacuum/insect repellent/bubblegum machine! Wait... ah shit, not again!

The Company Men: Who made this DVD cover (click to enlarge)? Seriously? It's freaking me out. Not only are all of them completely different lighting, but each of them seems to be entirely void of a soul. Costner's got the much beloved "did you just say my name?" look. Tommy Lee Jones is definitely praying that some relieves him of what I can only imagine is a monster wedgie. Affleck, just wow. Did someone put out an APB for "facial expression most begging to be punched?" Then you've got Chris Cooper, who is either squinting to read a sign very far away, or they ninja photoed him in the restroom one afternoon. Maria Bello, well she's alright I suppose. If anything she just seems happy to have made the photo at all.

Sancum: Hey look, it's that guy's name! You know the guy,  the one who did the movie with the thing. Oh you know... the guy!!! Yes, I have officially banned all mention of someone who probably spent all of fifteen cents producing this movie. I still contend the second a movie begins touting producers over content, you know a disaster is all that can be awaiting.

Other Goodies:

Superman: The Motion Picture Anthology (Blu-Ray): There's only one reason you buy this series: Gene "Badass Motherfucker" Hackman. Oh, yeah. Take that random Richard Pryor appearance! Honestly, there's not much else to say really. In essence you're buying one good film, a great film, two copies of the same film, and a couple others I'd rather be burned in a fiery pit and never mentioned again. I'll leave it to you to sort out which is which.

The Man Who Would Be King (Blu-Ray): Sean Connery and Michael Caine - yes, that loud pitched squeal you heard was me having a mental explosion. Aright, I have seen this movie before and it is quite good for a mid-major epic. The Connery is awesome. The Caine, well if I could be reborn as anyone, let's just say I'd kill to be reborn as Michael Caine.

The Outlaw Josie Wales (Blu-Ray): Clint Eastwood + Western = 'nuff said.


Alright ladies and gents, that's all I've got for you this wonderful evening. Happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 5/31/2011

New Releases:

Drive Angry:
Me: Hey look, it's Nic Cage!
O.P: Who?
Me: Oh you know, the guy from all those movies?
O.P: The one with the shotgun?
Me: No, that's professional that guy David Morse! The other one.
O.P: You mean the one that looks like Billy Ray Cyrus mated with an orangutan?
Me: Ummmm... yeah. But I swear he wasn't always that way. He used to be a proper actor who picked good roles and made films that were exciting and intriguing.
O.P: Wait, I know who he is now!
Me: Awesome! I take you know him from Face -
O.P: He was the dude from that scene with the bear!
Me: ...Off. Oh I give up, what's the point?

Biutiful: I take it this is not the James Blunt documentary I've been waiting for?

Kaboom: I take your Kaboom and raise you two Kapows! Take that veil efforts at mimicry of a comic book.

Waiting City: *shrug* Yeah, I've never of it either.

Passion Play: Make that a double.

Other Goodies:

American Graffiti (blu-ray): The proof you've been waiting your whole life for, at last! Proof that George Lucas wasn't always an evil DJ beating the same broken record to death.

Stanley Kubrick: Limited Edition Collection (Blu-Ray): Spartacus, Lolita, Strangelove, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, and Eyes Wide Shut. All blu-ray. All for roughly $100 bucks. Excuse me, I need a change of pants.

Once Upon a Time in the West (Blu-Ray): No, those aren't tears in my eyes, I swear!


Well, that's all from me folks. Enjoy your day and happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 5/24/2011

The number one downside of this post is that it's quality is directly proportional to the quality of the films being released. So, for the new releases this week please forgive the indescribable awfulness. For the other goodies, I'm expecting no less than a standing ovation.

New Releases:

I Am Number Four: A supreme taco with a bean burrito, and diet coke. Oh yeah, real badass! You can tell this movie is so BADASS because in the trailer that chick walks away in slow motion from an exploding building - BADASSSSSSSS. And then you've got the guy - HEIL FUHRER BADASS! Honestly, could the guy look more like a '60s WW2 flick Nazi? All he needs is an over pronounced English accent, the ability to repeat SS in a sadistic manner, and a tiny mustache... more on that later. In all seriousness, this movie looks about as stimulating as watching a twelve hour documentary on the making of a twelve hour documentary. On a list of things I'd rather watch than this, even Bieber doing Shakespeare edges it out by a generous mile.

Gnomeo and Juliet: I'll admit, I'm not as well versed in the lyrical stylings of Shakespeare, as I perhaps ought to be. Even still, the concept of this movie pains me as a fan of history and literature twice over. Seriously. Gnomes? Everybody knows you ALWAYS go with leprechauns. Fail.

Other Goodies:

Platoon (Blu-Ray): I am...

Gettysburg (Blu-Ray): most undoubtedly...

Papillon (Blu-Ray): crying tears...

Solaris (Blu-Ray): of joy...

The Great Dictator (Criterion/Blu-Ray): right now... That's it, I'm getting a damn blu-ray player. Time to put on the stilettos and get to work!

Happy hunting everybody!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 5/17/2011

We're getting close, I can feel it. It's in the air. The mood of the world is right. Stallone will do anything for a dime bag of 'roids, and Sesame Street is trapped in a death zone full of cleavage haters. There's no way it can't happen. My years of petitioning can't be far off now. By 2012 we will finally get to see......

RAMBO v ELMO: THIS SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

*tear* my dream's coming true.

We now return you to your previously scheduled programming

New Releases:

The Mechanic: Excuse me, ummm Mr. Statham. Yes, well. There seems to be a bit of a mixup. Ah, when I asked for a mechanic, I thought I was actually getting a mechanic. Not a meeeeechanic. So, you see, this is a bit awkward. I don't need you to kill my wife. No? Still don't get it? Jesus, some people are thick. Oh! No, nothing. I didn't say a thing! Look, what I'm trying to say is please take the gun away from my wife's head, and we'll just call it even. OK? Good. Thanks. I owe you how much? WHAT!? You didn't even do anything! Consulting fee? Shit... for that price you might as well go ahead. No, no, no, wait!!! Oh, you were just shooting the pipes to get the plumbing to work... thanks! I'm going to go change my pants now.

The Rite: Is there any chance of Anthony Hopkins switching gears half way through this and just yelling out "who's your daddy!?" before going full pimp mode? Without that, I can't imagine myself faking interest in this movie.

The Other Woman: No, not her. The other other woman. Oh, you're still looking the wrong way. Look left. No, that's your right! Jesus you're stupid. No, she's gone now. Forget it, next time I'm just sticking to good ol' fashion nautical directions. Hey! Check out the babe two fathoms up and a fathom to the right!

The Roommate: This is either a non-descriptive horror movie or just an off the wall observation. I'm hoping for the latter.

Vanishing on 7th Street: Why I moved up to 3rd street - whole lot less vanishing going on here. Plus, better pizza.

Other Goodies:

Diabolique: I hate to say this, but when I first watched Diabolique, I didn't think much of it. Perhaps it was because it was years ago, or perhaps it was because I just don't dig what it did/does. Either way, I foresee many a 'watch it again!' gripes if I never do in the future.

The Hustler: Paul Newman... the man just had skill. End of debate.

Alright ladies and gents, that about wraps up another thrilling installment of the Obligatory DVD Release Post. Tip your waiters, flip your flapjacks, and be sure to have a joyful dvd hunting experience!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 5/10/2011

New Releases:

Blue Valentine: In fairness, if you're going to go with Blue for your 'valentine' color you can only expect disaster. Nothing quite says 'solid foundation' like a love built on the color of water. Perhaps next time you should aim for a silver gray. Concrete, now that's how I spell romance.

No Strings Attached: Except for the ten of fifteen floating imperceptibly above Natalie Portman while a giant holding cross-shaped wooden blocks at the end screams, in his most haunting tone 'dance for me little girl, dance for me!'

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never: *Insert Justin Bieber joke here* To be frank, I don't even have to write them anymore. I just have to say Justin Bieber and everyone inserts there own by default. Makes my life a hell of a lot easier, to be absolutely honest. Gives me more time to plan word domination through the power of Klezmer.... now all I need is a vaguely attractive teenager with more hair than sense.

Black Death: Sounds so much sexier when you imagine Sean Bean instead of people in funny masks, massive death of suburbanites, and inevitable city-wide fire that may or may not have ridden the world of it.

The Illusionist: Shhhh, Sylvian Chomet is busy not making any noise. If you make noise than you're being counter productive to their not making noise, canceling out the entire point of the film! Down evil doer, down!

Other Goodies:

Some Like it Hot: Hey, Jack Lemmon in drag needs loving too.

Alright, ladies and gents, that's about all I got for you. Enjoy your day and happy hunting!

Obligatory DVD Release Post 5/3/2011

Pack it in boys, nothing to see here.

New Releases:

The Green Hornet: You know your DVD release post is going to struggle when this is the headliner. You know it's going to struggle even more when you have absolutely nothing witty to say about it. I could of course go with the whole "back so soon" spin, mocking its short run time and limited box office power, but that seems gimmicky at best. So I'll settle for outright snobbery: This movie looks stupid. Now, give me a few minutes while I go watch it.

The Dilemma: Ron Ron Ron... oh Ronny Boy. Why did you try? Honestly... why? You were on a roll with the high minded drama actions. Was it that Da Vinci Code wasn't that great? Meh, we all knew that was going to happen. Was it that people like to belittle Frost/Nixon? Those are the same people who spend their nights debating how much they love movies nobody cares about to make themselves feel better. It couldn't have been Angels and Demons - Ewan McGregor was the shit. What in the world made you think: "Hey, Splash was awesome - I'll try my hand at another romantic comedy." Nobody wanted that! Not even Darryl Hannah and she could use it. Please, just stick to what you do best - making mountains out of ant hills.

Other Releases: The Promise: The Making of Darkness On the Edge of Town (never heard of it) and From Prada to Nada (kill me please)

Other Goodies:

Twelve O'Clock High (Blu-Ray): Gregory Peck in one of the absolute most criminally under seen war films of all time. Seriously, go check it out - it's absolute mint. Very much the epitome of the human war film.

What Dreams May Come (Blu-Ray): I think this movie gets a bad wrap, but I must admit I enjoy its style. Something about it just seems transcendent to me in a rather hyperbolic allure. Call me crazy, but I've seen this a few times and it still holds water for me. Now if only they could drop Cuba Gooding and make the entire movie about Max Von Sydow and this one would be brilliant!

From Dusk Till Dawn (Blu-Ray): Selma Hayek dancing in a provocative fashion with a snake across the shoulders in Blu-Ray. You don't have to tell me twice - dirty old man-o-meter is rocking a 10.

Smiles of a Summer Night (Criterion Blu-Ray): This would seem like a pretentious piece of bore if it weren't for the unstoppable dual force of Ingmar Bergman and Criterion.


Well ladies and gents that's all for this week. Happy hunting!

The LiE 900th Post Obligatory DVD Spectacular!

And here we are. One and a half years later and 900 posts have now gone by. There have been the good, the bad, the great, and the downright shameful; and somewhere in between my skill still lies. Ever the room for improvement, and ever the hope to continue doing so. Yet, I would not have gotten to 900 posts without the support of many of the wonderful people who take the time to bother reading my obscure ramblings. And so, for them, this post is dedicated. And seeing as my 1000th post will be a decisively self-serving affair, I thought it apropos to put those individuals at the forefront of this outing. So, from strokes at a keyboard to bits in a series of wire traveling around the globe, I give you the DVDs Everyone Should See.

THE SELECTIONS:

Alex J Cavanaugh: Serenity - One of the all time great science fiction films. Brilliant writing and a great cast made for a fantastic sendoff of the under appreciated show, Firefly. A hundred viewings, and I still want more!

Andy Buckle's Film Emporium: The DVD I have chosen is Apocalypse Now Redux. I watch films to be swept away on a journey and to live an experience. I have seen few better cinematic experiences than Francis Ford Coppola's Vietnam epic, nor any journeys to match Willard's harrowing mission into the heart of Darkness. Every sequence is memorable.

Anomalous Material: My DVD would be Cinderella Man, a rags-to-riches story of a decent, upstanding man fighting to maintain his family during the Depression and becoming the heavyweight champion of the world.

Blog Cabins: For sheer enthusiasm, exuberance, energy, effervescence, ego, and probably many other words that begin with "E," it must be Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Dark of the Matinee: My one dvd that I think everybody should watch in their lifetime is MEMENTO. Not only is it one of the best movies of this new century, but the special edition dvd has a feature that allows for the scenes to be watched in chronological order, giving the viewer a real appreciation of what Nolan's "reverse-narrative" does for the overall effect of the film.

Defiant Success: One DVD that every movie lover should watch in their lifetime is one of my all-time favorite comedies: Some Like It Hot. I mean, really. You can't go wrong with a comedy that's over fifty years old and is still funny as hell.

Encore's World of Film and TV: Gosford Park easily stands out as a film that every movie lover should see because, at its core, it’s a film indicative of the moving pictures at its basest form. Forever interested in the most primal human emotions Fellow’s script and Altman’s constantly moving camera take a premise that’s probably on the wrong side of cliché and turns it into a showcase for idiosyncrasies of its characters with excellent performances to boot.

Film Forager: One of my go-to movie recommendations is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, because it serves as a hilarious reminder that Kirsten Dunst can be likable, Amy Adams used to be blonde, Denise Richards loves Jesus, Minnesota is an important state, beauty pageants suck, and most importantly, ladies can be funny too! Seriously, this movie is great in every way.

Film Intel: I'll nominate The Usual Suspects. The fantastic special edition can be purchased for under £5 and there's still very few films that finish with such a satisfying flourish. Equal parts fantastic fun and essential cinema.

Frankly My Dear Podcast: Everyone should see Badlands, directed by Terrence Malick. This is Malick's first film and, I think, his best. He has only released 4 (soon to release the 5th, Tree of Life) films and yet he's such a huge force and influence in the world of film. Sophia Coppola, David Gordon Green, Jeff Nichols - all are heavily influenced by Malick. Badlands is a Bonny and Clyde type gangsters-on-the-run film that's slow moving and thoughtful and yet violent and shocking at the same time. Plus, Sissy Spacek is awesome in it.

gmanReviews: Yup I don't know what the rest of you blogging highnesses decided to go with but I have to pick one of the greatest TV shows ever to be made, and that is Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes breakthrough BBC sitcom: SPACED. A couple of years ago the TV show was finally released to the Western world in a fantastic box set that is jam packed with features and two different full-length commentaries that honestly I can't stop listening to. Of all of my DVD collection - all 191 (and counting) of them - this is the one that I think that if there was a raging fire consuming every and anything I would grab first and make sure to secure.

Go See Talk: The Killing Room - it's an Arronofsky-esqe take on 12 Angry Men (or any other brilliant one setting film). A taught pressure cooker of a film that's a helluva mind screw which reaffirms the adage "you can't trust anyone but yourself". If the white knuckle ride doesn't grab you during, the ending will knock you right out of your seat.

Insight into Entertainment: Casablanca- To get a sense of what all romances aspire to be, you must watch Casablanca. The movie holds up after so many years, and provides the touchstone of all that came before so we don't lose sight of the best out there.

Movie Reviews by Tom Clift: My selection for the one DVD I think every movie lover should own - The 3 Disk UK Special Edition Release of MEMENTO. The sophomore effort from Christopher Nolan, this neo-noir non-linear psychological thriller remains the director’s best and most ingenious film. The three disk UK special edition contains a plethora of excellent bonus features including a hidden option to watch the film in chronological order, something that sheds an entirely new light on the motivations on all of the films devious characters. A must own for Nolan fans (or at least those with region free DVD players).

Silver Emulsion: The 36th Chamber of Shaolin - Hands down one of the greats of the martial arts genre, this is the Shaw Brothers film to see if you're only going to see one. Filled with incredible training sequences, it is truly one not to be missed and it'll probably inspire a furious desire to see more martial arts films!

Sugary Cynicism: The Rock - Meet the 90's encapsulated into one ridiculous film. Nic Cage with his real hair? Check. Sean Connery vs Ed Harris? Check. A car chase between a Hummer, a Ferrari, AND a trolley on the streets of San Francisco? Check. A no-holds barred explode-a-thon on scenic Alcatraz island? Checkaroonie. Nic Cage before he got pathetic, Sean Connery before he got too old for this...er, stuff and Michael Bay before he started making movies with racist talking robots in them.

The List: Road House. For 3 reasons -
1. America has forgotten one of the greatest fashion combinations ever: the Mullet with pleated Dockers.
2. An hour and a half with Dalton and the Double Duece will teach you more about being a man than your Daddy could teach you in a lifetime.
3. It features the line "Pain don't hurt." Which I think we can all agree might be the single most genius line of dialogue ever written.

*drumroll* and with a special guest suggestion.....

The Uni Mamma (bless her - she puts up with so much): Harvey - Because it reminds us not to take life too seriously.

"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it"

Major thanks to everyone who took the time to send in a submission! If you were not one of them, no worries - the comments are always yours. Have a wonderful Tuesday everybody.

Obligatory DVD Release Post 4/19/2011

New Releases:

The King's Speech: What happens when an impenetrable force hits an unmovable object? COLIN FIRTH OSCAR SEXY TIME! So cool, you can set your old school calculator watch by it and still walk away a winner.

Rabbit Hole: There should be an award for making it through more than so many soap opera style depressing movies in a year.We could all it: the MOPEY. Get it presented by Vanessa Marcil and you have yourself a winner. For the record, I hope to never win this fictional award I've created. Would feel so... downtrodden.

Somewhere: Over the rainbow where everything is kind of, you know, just so... like, ugh, yah know? I mean, really. It's just so, ugh, yah know? Gosh. Sorry Sofia Coppola, I bought the "it's lonely being rich" line a long time before you even thought of directing, and I don't need it sold to me again. I'm quite happy with what I bought.

The Way Back: Finally! Your chance to see a movie nobody else bothered seeing because they're lame, and you're awesome! Also, I love Peter Weir, even if this movie does struggle more than it should have. So what are you waiting for? Go now!

Gulliver's Travels: As far away from me as possible. Sorry Emily, it's not you... it's this movie. We're just going in different directions. You've lined up a lot of trivial roles in dribble films, and I'm thinking Carry Mulligan's stealing your spot among the Beautiful British Power Squad. Look on the bright side, we'll always have Young Victoria.

Other Releases: Ip Man 2 (Ip harder?) and If God is Willing and da Creek Don't Rise (whatever the hell that means)

Other Goodies:

Kes(Criterion): I've been waiting a long time to see this, so you can consider me jumping and ready to go.

Ingrid Bergman 3 Film Collection: I usually ignore nonsensical side collections, but after all.. this is Ingrid Bergman we're talking about! There is never anything nonsensical when it comes to here.

Sweetie(Criterion): Because Jane Campion and Criterion can't both do bad, can they? If so, I shall be a sorrowful man come credit time.

Well, there you have it ladies and gents. Happy hunting!