New Releases:
Blue Valentine: In fairness, if you're going to go with Blue for your 'valentine' color you can only expect disaster. Nothing quite says 'solid foundation' like a love built on the color of water. Perhaps next time you should aim for a silver gray. Concrete, now that's how I spell romance.
No Strings Attached: Except for the ten of fifteen floating imperceptibly above Natalie Portman while a giant holding cross-shaped wooden blocks at the end screams, in his most haunting tone 'dance for me little girl, dance for me!'
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never: *Insert Justin Bieber joke here* To be frank, I don't even have to write them anymore. I just have to say Justin Bieber and everyone inserts there own by default. Makes my life a hell of a lot easier, to be absolutely honest. Gives me more time to plan word domination through the power of Klezmer.... now all I need is a vaguely attractive teenager with more hair than sense.
Black Death: Sounds so much sexier when you imagine Sean Bean instead of people in funny masks, massive death of suburbanites, and inevitable city-wide fire that may or may not have ridden the world of it.
The Illusionist: Shhhh, Sylvian Chomet is busy not making any noise. If you make noise than you're being counter productive to their not making noise, canceling out the entire point of the film! Down evil doer, down!
Other Goodies:
Some Like it Hot: Hey, Jack Lemmon in drag needs loving too.
Alright, ladies and gents, that's about all I got for you. Enjoy your day and happy hunting!
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