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Off Topic w/ Univarn

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dear Media,

Shut up about Charlie Sheen. We get it, he's gone off quicker than cheese on a black metal plate in middle of summer in Africa. To be honest, that really is the end of the story. Anything more than that and all you're doing is pandering to the lowest form of humanity - those who simply enjoy watching someone crash and burn.

And for the record, no. Charlie Sheen's latest concert turnouts or recent interviews do not count as news. It certainly doesn't count as justifiable content to sneak in after the latest Japan death count, but just before that quote you have from members of the Libyan rebel movement (actually happened). If anything, you should be required to sacrifice ten minutes of airtime, and lose nine commercial slots for every time you try and pull that one on those of us who actually care about events going on in the world. I can't believe I have to tell you about this.

Yes, I expect this from diatribe vacuums like E!, Entertainment Tonight, and the like because that's what they do. But you're not those channels. You're supposed to be the news. If you want to partition off part of your show and title it "Things Nobody Should Care About" and dump in the latest Sheen, Lohan - or whomever is the (alleged) drug laden whacked out celebrity of the moment - then go for it. That way, when I see that title stroll onto the pixels, I can whip out the channel changer and move along.

As a news network it is your job to present the viewer with broad accounts of things like this that don't matter, and do in depth accounts of things that actually do. Sorry, but I don't want five minute interviews on just how bonkers Charlie Sheen is compounded with a two second update on the Japanese radiation levels. That is by all accounts 'back asswards' (think about it).

Then again, news networks have been doing this for years. By ever increasing the amount of covering pandered towards things people overtly "care about," they've slowly undermined the very building blocks on which our society operates. Of course it's not nearly as cool to know about health care practices as it is to be up to date on the latest Jersey Shore rumors. Then again, only knowing one of those things will stop you from dying. Hint for those playing at home: it's not Jersey Shore rumors.

But it's not enough that these things simply occur in isolated levels. No. With 24 hour news and dozens of channels taking part, everyone has to get in on the latest craze. "OMG did you hear what Lady Gaga did yesterday!? Hey, I don't remember there being chains on the front door of the bank. Strange, is there a concert going on tonight?"

Sincerely Annoyed,

Univarn

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