Unanswered question of the week: Which is more obligatory - this post or the apparent Hollywood releases?
Wide Releases:
Season of the Witch: "Ah, yes, excuse me waiter! Oh, thank you, I have a quick question. Is the 'witch' in season? Yes? Oh, delightful. That's right, I'm ready to order then." Customer shuffles through the menu, certain to point out each item just in case the waiter fails to understand the spoken word. "Well, then I'd like the Fried Witch, but easy on the wood chippings. A side of mashed corpses, and ohhhhhhhh." Despite being a lady, the customer still attempts to caress a beard during contemplation. "What the heck, give me tears of Daniel Day Lewis!" A reserved chuckle echoes from the ladies lips as she tries to seem taken aback by her own brashness. The rest of the people at her table order Jack Daniels... he was a very popular cuisine back then (and yes, Daniel Day Lewis is immortal!)
- I would argue that the above conversation is infinitely more interesting than anything this film has presented. Why didn't they just hire me to write it? *shrug*
Country Strong: As a man, I will never know what it feels like to give birth. However, I would imagine it to be vaguely similar to sitting through this film without the whole "awww, baby" aftershock. The commercial was so awful I required three adrenaline shots just to survive to the release date. The scene where Paltrow 'breaks down' looked like a zebra having its legs pulled out from under it. Then of course you have Tim McGraw (appropriately waits for the two female readers who care to drool) whose acting range rivals that of his predecessor... Billy Ray Cyrus (that's right, I said it!) - who we all know was Oscar worthy in the film Radical Jack (too obscure?). It should suffice to say, I'm not running anywhere to see this film... only way I'm going is taken in rope tied and saddle bound (ironically that's not on this weekends plans... yet).
Limited Releases:
No One Killed Jessica: No One Killed Ryan. No One Killed Alex. No One Killed Madonna (shame). See? I can do it too! Apparently this is a Hindi film being released in a collection of theaters. Out of curiosity, do marketing people ever intend on advertising these movies? I swear, at least five times a year a Hindi film trickles off in our direction and nobody says a @*!*$@ word about it. They're like some obscure mythical genie who pops out of a lamp into three theaters then 'whoosh' and they're gone, never to be heard from again (I hope using genie and Hindi film in the same sentence isn't racist. If it is I'd like to note it was completely unintentional as I was totally making a Robin Williams reference).
Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to inform you that this shall be the end of your options for this weekend. Those of us in the Raleigh/Cary/Durham area should note that WHITE MATERIAL is coming our way this weekend (I know Galaxy Cinema is picking it up), so that's always an option.
So, what are your plans for the weekend? Maybe a classic/oscar film you want to check out?
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