Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I am actually finding it hard on how to begin the review. Firstly, I haven't read the book the film is based on so you can expect no comparisons. It's also pertinent to know that I have enjoyed Timur Bekmambetov's previous works, Wanted & Night Watch, so although I was not at all impressed by the trailer of this film, I was still excited about it.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is the story about the President of USA who for the sake of fantasy and story and originality also happens to be a vampire hunter, or rather becomes one during the course of the film when his parents are killed by the living dead.

The film in totality was a major disappointment and for a change I decided to list my irritations one point at a time;

The Voiceover- Normally I am a big fan of voiceovers. It's a great way to fast forward a film and more so a technique to showcase a montage without using music, and who doesn't love montages. Unfortunately, the excessive voiceover in this particular film gets annoying around half time and doesn't stop till quite late in the film.

The Story- I am all for a bit of uniqueness in stories and by giving the real life events surrounding the American president an alternate twist is perfectly fine by me. The film however tries to stuff too much in its timeframe. From a revenge film, to saving mankind, to a political piece, to life history, almost all aspects of the real Lincoln's life is made to resemble situations in the film making it more and more disjointed.

Real vs Reel Life & The History - The other aspect of the story mentioned above which really irritated me was that the makers try desperately to link all the real life events with the fantasy aspect which after a while feels forced. Furthermore, due to the lack of America's historical knowledge I was unaware of most of these events and just had to view them as they happened. So while I am aware of the Civil War or the Gettysburg Battle, I had no knowledge about their background, and I understand this might be my own fault, but for me that made the film a bit more oblique. If you do know about American history, I am sure you would appreciate that the film does not go into details of the said events, so this aspect might just divide the audience in half.

The Special Effects- This one is more middle-of-the-road. There are scenes that are beautiful to look at, even though they mostly comprise of people getting axed and blood splattering all over, while there are others that are simply torture. Two important scenes, the horse fight and the climax, are both CGI laden to the amount that they shout FAKE! Both these scenes, the former more so than the latter, were probably the biggest disappointments for me. Well that and the excessive use of slow motion throughout the entire film to the point that I almost wished I had a fast forward remote control to move the character move/kill/splatter/and die faster.

Tim Burton- I would have hoped that having Tim Burton as the producer would have infused a bit of his dark humor in the film, but alas that is not the case. In fact, his style is so absent that had I not known of him having producer credits; I would not have linked him to this film at all.

And now for the good stuff...

I did like the premise of the story with adding the whole vampire element to the president's life. With Pride and Prejudice and Zombies being made, this could be the new trend in books and films and not something that I disapprove of. What the resulting features will be, it’s hard to tell, but after Abraham Lincoln studios might think twice about taking a step in this direction.

The acting was mediocre, but not bad, which in this case is good. The performances might not have been extraordinary, but the actors took their roles seriously and whatever little chance of characterization they are given (especially the supporting cast), they made the most of it.

The films does have enough action throughout that although there were all the above listed reasons why I did not enjoy the film, it still managed to keep me awake.

Oh wait... sorry that would be the large Latte I had during the film that kept me awake and I believe it even burnt my tongue and in fact that was probably more exciting than the film.

Rating 1.5/5

   

        

Another Halloween Video Party

Well last Sunday I attended another Halloween video party, a long-standing one with some friends of mine and their kids. Now that the kids are growing up, we’ve decided to up the terror quotient a bit and away from the Universal and Hammer standbys (as good as those films are).

We started out with the original “Halloween” oops, sorry, make that “John Carpenter’s Halloween” (1978), a film I’ve never cared for and this recent viewing did nothing to change my opinion. Everyone knows the story by now, so I’ll say I find Jamie Lee Curtis’ girlfriends in this movie pretty obnoxious and not at all likeable. I think the pacing is slack and I find the whole movie something of a bore. My dad and I saw this in 1978 on a Saturday night at a packed house at the Dolton Theatre and both of us walked out wondering what the big deal was. Donald Pleasance is always a welcome presence in any movie and he’s fine here, but when all is said and done it’s pretty dull. Carpenter’s musical score is pretty good for an amateur, but he hasn’t written anything good since and someone should tell him to hire a professional composer to score his movies.

I’ve never thought Carpenter was a particularly good director. “John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness” (1987) is one of the worst horror movies of all time, as is “John Carpenter’s Vampires” (1998), a film so awful on every level it left me angry that I had wasted my time with it. Even seeing “Vampires” on a Saturday night with two women (giddy up!) did nothing to quench the loathing I felt for “Vampires.”

I’ve always been irked by the possessor credit he puts in the titles of his movies. Films are a collaborative art but putting his name in the titles really irritates me, none more so than when he adapted (very badly) “Christine”, the classic Stephen King novel about a possessed car. Of course when Johnny Boy put it out it became “John Carpenter’s Christine.” No, I don’t think so. He didn’t come up with the story, characters, or situations. To put his name in the title like that strikes me as hubris of the worst kind. If it was modified to read “John Carpenter’s Production of Christine” that would be one thing, but not “John Carpenter’s Christine.” Who does he think he is? Stephen King should have sued.

Rating for “Halloween”: Two stars, which makes it John Carpenter’s best film.

Next up was a classic from my youth “Count Yorga, Vampire” (1970) starring Robert Quarry in the title role. This tale of a vampire stalking modern-day Southern California is a low-budget goodie filled with genuinely creepy moments. Containing none of the tortured self-doubt that curse modern day vampires, one gets the feeling that Count Yorga thrills in his existence and the vampiric thrall he holds over people. Plus, the film has one of the most effective “pulling aside the drapes to have a face staring in at you” sequences I’ve ever seen.

I first saw this film in 1971, when I was nine years old. We didn’t do a lot of traveling as a family, so when my dad would take his vacation in the summer we would have a week of day trips and each of us was allowed to do something he or she wanted to do. My choice was to drag the family (on a gorgeous summer day) to the Bremen Theaters in Tinley Park to see a double feature of Count Yorga and Vincent Price in “The Abominable Dr. Phibes.” (1971). My parents were appalled at the graphic quality of the sex and violence (for a PG-rated film) and the bosomy presence of Yorga’s vampire brides. They absolutely refused me permission to see the sequel “The Return of Count Yorga” (1971) when it played at the Dolton. We all enjoyed Dr. Phibes however, and that memorable double feature has now entered the family lore.

Interesting bit of trivia: The film’s score was composed by Bill Marx, son of Harpo. Anytime one can work the Marx Brothers into a discussion is a good thing.

Rating for “Count Yorga, Vampire”: Three stars.

The last movie of the festival was “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984). 1984? Sheesh, where does the time go? The first film to introduce Freddy Krueger, the first Nightmare film kicked off one of the better and more imaginative of the horror franchises. Wes Craven can out-direct Carpenter any day of the week, and the story of a dead serial killer who can enter his victim’s dreams to kill them still holds up. I just wish the ending was stronger. Like so many movies today, the directors and writers don’t know when to stop and insist on giving us two or three climaxes when only one would do. The film is also noteworthy of introducing Johnny Depp, though, to be fair, his performance here gives no indication of the acting powerhouse he would be down the line.

Rating for “A Nightmare on Elm Street”: Three stars.