129. Ted

129. (28 Jun) Ted (2012, Seth Macfarlane)* 41

Better than one would expect a film about a foul-mouthed, living teddy bear to be, Ted is still hokey and formulaic enough to have sprung from the mind of Seth Macfarlane. Like his generic Family Guy, the pop culture jokes will date woefully. Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis do what they can to make their bland romance something more, but they can only do so much with this volume of potty humor and lameness.

TED

TED

Written by Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild

Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis and Seth MacFarlane

Ted: (Dressed in a suit) I look stupid.

John: No, you don’t. You look dapper.

Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell ‘em Grandma died.

The opening sequence to TED, Seth MacFarlane’s (FAMILY GUY) first live-action feature film, tells you everything you need to know about whether you’re going to enjoy yourself or not. In it, a narrator (voiced by AMERICAN DAD regular, Patrick Stewart) tells us the story of how, one Christmas, a little boy’s wish brought a stuffed bear to life. The twosome will go on to become the bestest of friends until inevitably one day when a woman will come between them and threaten their very special relationship. It isn’t long before jokes are made about Jewish people and obscure pop culture references or even before the narrator himself takes a decidedly dirty direction with his tone. This is the story of a boy who doesn’t want to grow up, as told by a man who has made a fortune playing directly to boys who don’t want to grow up, the world over. Sometimes, I question whether MacFarlane has ever fully grown up himself. The question he poses to us is whether that’s actually a bad thing or not.

I think it would be fair to say that if you enjoy MacFarlane’s humour on his animated Fox shows (including THE CLEVELAND SHOW, in addition to the previously mentioned examples), then you will most likely laugh it up throughout TED. I actually do like MacFarlane’s humour quite a bit and I did a fair amount of hearty chuckling throughout his film debut, but not enough to see through all of his laziness. As much as I enjoy FAMILY GUY (and I do often enjoy it over and over again), I have found that he has learned to coast a bit on what he knows works well already. In TED, MacFarlane plays it safe, bringing on a number of people he’s already familiar with, from co-star, Mila Kunis, to composer, Walter Murphy. Heck, there’s even one foreigner character who knows the English language well enough to get by but misses all the nuances. (If you watch FAMILY GUY, you’ll know what that refers to). It almost felt to me at times that not only was MacFarlane playing it safe but rather surrounding himself with the familiar so he too would feel safe in this unchartered territory.

I would be remiss not to mention as well how similar Ted the bear sounds like  MacFarlane’s quintessential character, Peter Griffin. They are so similar at times that MacFarlane even calls himself out on it in one scene when Ted quips about how he does not sound exactly like Peter Griffin. Just because MacFarlane is in on the joke though does not make us forget that TED is, on many levels, just FAMILY GUY crammed into a cuddly bear. And while this does entertain on many levels, it only does so to a point. What it does past that is expose without question MacFarlane’s limitations as a writer and director.

PS. I really do like you, Mr. MacFarlane. I guess, I just want to see what else you can do, where else you can go.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Written by Keith Merryman, David A. Newman and Will Gluck

Directed by Will Gluck

Starring Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis and Woody Harrelson

Dylan: Why do relationships start out so fun and then turn into such a bag of dicks?

Dating is complicated. The scene today can be so cold and callous that most people in it are forced to disengage emotionally from it in order to survive. Enter Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in FRIENDS WITH BENFITS, director Will Gluck’s follow-up to last fall’s breakout comedy, EASY A. They have a plan that will save everyone from the walls they’ve erected around their hearts by using those walls as the foundation for their mating practices. The logic is that if you’re already emotionally messed up, then you can avoid further damage by not involving emotion anymore. Voila! Dating oversimplified.

Timberlake and Kunis play Dylan and Jamie, two New York City singles at the top of their professional games who have essentially taken themselves off the market to preserve their already battered hearts. They click instantly when they meet and the fast friends decide they should take advantage of their natural chemistry and see if it translates in the bedroom, except without all the mushy stuff. Once they get going, they can’t get enough of each other but is it the sex they’re addicted to or is it each other?

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS tries very hard to disassociate itself from your typical romantic comedy but doesn’t realize that it actually plays into most of that genre’s conventions simultaneously. Fortunately, Timberlake and Kunis are adorable together; their chemistry and comedic timing endears the viewer to their plight, however trite it is, and saves the film from total cliché. Still, the light, casual tone of their relationship, I mean, arrangement, permeates to the rest of the film, making it just as tricky for us to connect emotionally as it is for Dylan and Jamie. It may be about a casual sexual relationship but it plays out more like a one-night stand.

BLACK SWAN

Written by Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz and John J. McLaughlin

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Starring Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey and Winona Ryder

Thomas Leroy: Perfection is not just about control. It is also about letting go.

From my understanding, to be a true ballerina, one must always strive for perfection. Your toes, your torso, your lines must be just so. If you’re serious about ballet, you might be lucky enough to join a company. Only a select few get to be company soloists though. And so, lightly prancing about beneath the stage at any given ballet, you will find dozens of girls all striving toward an unattainable goal - some starving themselves and some hoping the soloist will take a bad fall and need replacing at the last second. It’s a microcosm, ripe with potential for drama and madness, making it the perfect setting for Darren Aronofsky’s latest, BLACK SWAN.

At the film’s start, a single spotlight rises on two feet, tightly wound in the tiniest of slippers. They begin to dance and as they land one after the other, we can see how delicate ballet is and how tortuous it must be to make it look that good. When the camera pulls away to reveal that these feet do in fact belong to Natalie Portman, it is clear just how much grace she will bring to this film. And by the time a beastly creature makes itself known to this frightened dancer, it is clear that Aronofsky is about to, yet again, give us something unlike anything else he’s done.

Portman is Nina, a dancer with the New York City Ballet who has just been cast as the Swan Princess in the upcoming production of “Swan Lake”. To do so in exactly the manner her director (Vincent Cassel) demands, she must embody the spirit of both the white and the black swan. Yes, the thematic conflict for this character is obvious at this point but Aronofsky tells it with complex visual style that jetés between jarring and captivating. And Portman, who has reportedly been in dance lessons since she was a toddler, knows the pressure of the dancer. She is to tightly wound that by the time her dark side begins to show its face, we are just as ready to release as she is. It certainly doesn’t help matters that her mother (Barbara Hershey) pressures her to succeed, a new dancer (Mila Kunis) wants her spot and the soloist she replaced (Winona Ryder) wants her just plain gone.

BLACK SWAN is as theatrical and as dramatic as any ballet that I’ve seen performed on stage. Aronofsky directs but, from behind the camera, he dances alongside the dancers as if he was part of the choreography, forming some hybrid of dance and film that begs repeat performances. It also warrants a resounding standing ovation.