Awards Watch: The 2012 Dorian Awards

Earlier this week, the Gay & Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association (GALECA), of which I and my fellow Men on Film Chris Carpenter and Neil Cohen were members this past year, announced the winners of the 4th Annual Dorian Awards. These awards are designed to honor not just GLBT-themed films and television programs, but all films and television programs... albeit as seen through a "queer eye".

Topping the list for as the Film of the Year is Ben Affleck's Argo, fresh off its wins at the Golden Globes and the Critics' Choice Awards. The Film Performance of the Year Awards (now split by gender) went to Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln and our Dearie Award-winning Woman of the Year Anne Hathaway in Les Misérables. All three of these winners are poised for possible victory at next month's Academy Awards.

The searing gay drama Keep the Lights On, which was also nominated for Film of the Year, took the prize for LGBT-Themed Film of the Year, while the Oscar nominated How to Survive a Plague won Documentary of the Year. In the new category Visually Striking Film of the Year, Ang Lee's Life of Pi was deemed the most, well, visually striking.

A triple feature of Matthew McConaughey movies round out the film awards, with Steven Soderbergh's Magic Mike and Lee Daniels' The Paperboy tied for Campy Film of the Year and Bernie named Unsung Film of the Year.

On the TV side, Homeland and American Horror Story: Asylum not only tied for TV Drama of the Year, the shows' respective stars, Damien Lewis and Jessica Lange won in the TV Performance of the Year categories.  TV Comedy or Musical of the Year went to Girls, while LGBT-Themed TV Show of the Year was shared by Modern Family and the Dearie Award-winning The New Normal. The Campy and Unsung TV Shows were the tragic biopic Liz & Dick and the sitcom Happy Endings.

Capping off the Dorians are a few prizes for individuals, including the "We’re Wilde About You" Rising Star of the Year Award, which went to The Perks of Being a Wallflower's Ezra Miller. "Wilde Wit" and "Wilde Artist" titles were bestowed on The Daily Show's Jon Stewart and Glee/American Horror Story/The New Normal creator Ryan Murphy.  And last, but certainly not least, the "Timeless" Award (the Dorian version of a lifetime achievement honor) went to the one and only Sir Ian McKellen, seen this year in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

Congratulations to all of this year's Dorian Award winners! The awards will be presented on February 17 in Los Angeles at the Fourth Annual GALECA Dorian Awards Winners Afternoon Tea. See the comments section below for the full list of this year's nominees, and be sure to follow GALECA on Facebook and Twitter.

Black Sheep's Top 10 of 2012!

(Be sure to click the title of any film mentioned to read the full Black Sheep review.)

Ordinarily, when I look back at the year in film as it comes to its close, I also take a look at the milestones my career as a writer has reached in the last 12 months. This year, that is a little difficult for me. In early May, I felt like I had made it. I had just interviewed Mark Ruffalo for his much loved performance as The Hulk in THE AVENGERS, as well as documentary filmmaker, Lee Hirsch, whose BULLY had become a serious talking point across America. Both interviews were due to appear as cover stories on the same day, Ruffalo on Montreal's Hour Community and Hirsch on Ottawa's Xpress. I was about to go on the air on Montreal's CJAD 800 to talk about both pieces when I received an e-mail from my editor at Hour, telling me that my cover story would be Hour's last. My editor at Xpress contacted me just a few weeks later to let me know that it too would be ceasing production. In some ways, I'm still recovering from that one-two punch.

                  

I had grown up with Hour in Montreal. Hour was the first paper that ever published me. Not only was I sad for my editor, who had worked so hard to keep the paper afloat in difficult times, but I was sad for Montreal for its loss too. There was only one game left in town after that and it too shut down this year. Sadness for print journalism all around.

My best friend pointed out to me that writing, like other creative fields, is not always consistent. I remind myself of this whenever I need to and, although I do not know what 2013 has in store for opportunities, I do know that I will be heading out in search of them. And until I find one, I still have all of you. And there are more of you now than ever before so thank you. Thank you very much for your support and, more importantly, for reading. Without you, my words would fall upon blind eyes.

All the same, the year wasn't a total wash. I did get to interview this guy ...

This is about as scruffy as Jake Gyllenhaal was when we met to discuss END OF WATCH.

I saw something like 125 films in 2012, many of them quite good. Narrowing that list down was not as difficult as I had anticipated. I did get stuck at 11 though and that's when it got messy. Mission accomplished all the same, sort of. This list of ten films I feel best encapsulates my most memorable experiences at the movies this year. In alphabetical order, here in Black Sheep's Top 10 films of 2012!

AMOUR

Directed by Michael Haneke

Such a controlled film about two people who have lost all the control in their own lives. Simply put, AMOUR is exquisite. And aptly titled. It is a great and necessary reminder that love is a gift, and a fleeting one at that, and it needs to be appreciated for all its glory.

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD

Directed by Benh Zeitlin

This debut feature by American filmmaker, Benh Zeitlin, is a beast all unto itself. BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD roars with pride for its unique style, tone and take, and it stampedes forward with an infectious strength. And who is leading this charge? Why, one ferociously brave, little girl, of course. It is imagination incarnate.

THE HUNGER GAMES

Directed by Gary Ross

Speaking of courageous, young women ... I do not care if this makes me an honorary teenage girl, but I am big Katniss fan, not to mention the actress who embodied her so brilliantly in THE HUNGER GAMES, Jennifer Lawrence. I got totally caught up in this movie's feverish hype after reading the book and loved every minute of it. PS. #TeamPeeta.

THE IMPOSSIBLE

Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona

I respect THE IMPOSSIBLE for doing just that and daring to tell this true story. Sure, they changed the main characters, a Spanish family who was caught in the 2004 Tsunami, to an English family, but that just means we get to see all this heartbreaking hardship acted out by Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor. You can't tell every story from that tragedy but I believe they've done this story, and family, justice.

LES MISERABLES
Directed by Tom Hooper

It is possible that I am very close to overdosing on LES MISERABLES. In the span of a week, I saw the film twice in theatres and have been moved to tears in my living room by the soundtrack more times than I'm willing to admit to. Easily the best movie musical since CHICAGO, "Les Mis" is designed to consume you and I have yet to tire of giving in to its song.

LIFE OF PI
Directed by Ang Lee

I wasn't sure even Ang Lee was going to be able to pull off LIFE OF PI, but I did suspect that if anyone was going to be able to make Yann Martel's biblical novel come to the life it deserved to on screen, it could be him. And within moments of the film starting, I breathed a great sigh of relief. I commend Lee for giving us the most visually groundbreaking film of the year.

MAGIC MIKE
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Now, most people would assume I would put MAGIC MIKE on this list because I am in love with Channing Tatum. I mean, look at that picture. How can you not be? But what those people forget is that I've been in love with Steven Soderbergh for far longer. And only Soderbergh could make a stripper movie that inspires both cat calls and intellectual discourse from its audience at the same time.

THE MASTER
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

Another aptly titled film but for very different reasons. Paul Thomas Anderson borders on genius with THE MASTER. After THERE WILL BE BLOOD, I didn't think he could go much higher and yet somehow, he has. Technically perfect, brilliant performances across the board and just plain mesmerizing, THE MASTER is well worthy of cult-like worship.

MOONRISE KINGDOM
Directed by Wes Anderson

Like the previous Anderson, Wes Anderson has outdone himself with MOONRISE KINGDOM. To watch his panoramic and meticulously detailed style become more vibrant and warmer than ever before, is a total delight. His voice is confident, comfortable, clearer than ever, and perhaps most remarkably, it still feels as though it is alive and new.

SKYFALL
Directed by Sam Mendes

I would never have imagined that the 50-year-old James Bond franchise would be able to provide one of the most exhilarating experiences of the year but then again, I never imagined that Sam Mendes would direct a Bond film. The cast, the cinematography, the writing, the risks - everything about SKYFALL is elevated by Mendes' presence and thus, Bond is reborn.

Honourable Mention:
STORIES WE TELL
Directed by Sarah Polley

Sarah Polley's first documentary and third feature film is only being considered for next year's awards race but there is no way I could not mention STORIES WE TELL when discussing the best films I saw this past year. Polley's bravery in telling this extremely personal story is moving and is somehow completely devoid of ego. Instead, she offers up her own history as an example that allows the audience to break down the many layers of storytelling itself. This is Polley's best film to date.

Oh, and this happened. My first quote!

There you have it! Ten amazing films (plus one!) from an incredible year at the movies. What about you? What made your list? Start thinking about it, in case you haven't already, as I will be calling on you to help shape this year's Black Sheep Readers Choice Award for the upcoming 2012 Mouton d'Or Awards. The nominations will be announced on January 25, 2013.

I'd love to take a break now but alas, I have a screening tomorrow morning! And so it begins again. Here's to an amazing 2013 and here's to seeing my name in print again before the year is out! 

Thanks again for all your support. I could not do this without you. Happy New Year!!

You can listen to me discuss this list further on CJAD 800 below.

Monthly Wallpaper - January 2013 - 2012: The Year in Film

As 2012 comes to a close, it is time to look back on the year in film, and what better way then with the Movie Dearest calendar wallpaper for next month!

Several of 2012's most talked about movies make up the collage, so you can spend all of January 2013 gazing at the likes of Abe, Bilbo, Cosette, Erik & Paul, Hitch, Hushpuppy, James, Merida, Magic Mike and Richard Parker. What a way to start off a new year!

Just click on the picture above to enlarge it to its 1024 x 768 size, then right click your mouse and select "Set as Background", and you're all set. If you want, you can also save it to your computer and set it up from there, or modify the size in your own photo-editing program if needed.

Reverend's Reviews: The Best & Worst of 2012 - Homos, Heroes and a Hushpuppy

Not only was a gay-themed movie the best of this past year, in my humble but educated opinion 2012 was a great year for GLBT and mainstream films on the whole.  I counted more movies rating A- or higher in my log than I’ve seen in several years, which made coming up with my top ten very easy.  I’ve actually “cheated” and linked together a few films of equal critical assessment and related themes, so you will find more than ten movies on my list below.  I also must confess there were a few much-ballyhooed holiday releases (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Zero Dark Thirty and Django Unchained) that I haven't been able to screen yet.

1.    Keep the Lights On (Music Box Films):  Writer-director Ira Sachs’ semi-autobiographical exploration of love and addiction between two gay men, played with admirable honesty by Thure Lindhardt and Zachary Booth, is the one perfect movie I saw all year.  While it has been criminally neglected for year’s-end awards by the Golden Globes and mainstream critics’ groups thus far, it is up for several Independent Spirit awards and won the Berlin International Film Festival’s Teddy Award for best GLBT film.  There is plenty to appreciate — and learn from — here whether one is homosexual, heterosexual or otherwise.

2.    Amour (Sony Pictures Classics):  Similarly, Michael Haneke’s powerful depiction of the cost of romantic commitment between an elderly man and his wife (the stunning Jean-Louis Trintignant and Emmanuelle Riva) has universal applications.  A couple of horror movie-ish moments are the film’s only missteps, even though it ends up being something of a ghost story.
 

3.    Beasts of the Southern Wild (Fox Searchlight):  This instantly lovable, amazingly accomplished low-budget feature film debut by director Benh Zeitlin boasts fantastic performances by non-professionals Quvenzhane Wallis (as its 6-year old heroine Hushpuppy) and Dwight Henry.  It is also a timely affirmation of family and community as the greatest strengths against threatening forces.  The film has racked up numerous awards, including the Grand Jury Prize at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival.

4.    Moonrise Kingdom (Focus Features):  It isn’t often that a movie comes along that is best and most immediately described as charming, but Wes Anderson’s latest is just that.  This saga of pre-teen lovers on the lam from an all-star adult cast including Bruce Willis, Bill Murray, Edward Norton, Frances McDormand and — best of all— Tilda Swinton as the nameless, villainous “Social Services” is a beautifully designed, totally enjoyable hoot for kids and adults alike.

5.    Robot & Frank (Samuel Goldwyn Films):  Frank Langella gives a lovely performance as a cantankerous, elderly ex-thief in the not too distant future whose children arrange for him to have an artificially-intelligent caretaker (voiced by gay fave Peter Sarsgaard of Kinsey and Green Lantern fame).  An unlikely and ultimately touching friendship develops between the two.  Oscar winner Susan Sarandon and another gay fave, James Marsden (Hairspray), also star in this gem, which won the prestigious Alfred P. Sloan Prize at Sundance.

6.    Cloud Atlas (Warner Bros.):  A lengthy, heady and visually spectacular adaptation of David Mitchell’s time-traveling novel that was an undeserved flop at the US box office.  Tom Hanks heads the big-name cast in multiple roles, and a gay romance is a key component of its puzzle-box plot.  The film was helmed by the trio of trans director Lana Wachowski and her brother Andy (of The Matrix fame) and Tom Tykwer, whose last movie was the bisexuality-themed Three.

7.    The Avengers (Marvel/Disney) and The Amazing Spider-Man (Sony Pictures):  Just when I was feeling worn out by the recent glut of increasingly-indistinguishable superhero movies, along came these two smart, thrilling epics by offbeat filmmakers (Joss Whedon and Marc Webb, respectively).  The long-awaited teaming of Marvel Comics’ greatest do-gooders as well as a seemingly-needless “reboot” of the web-slinger’s origins both struck gold dramatically and at the box office, with British actor Andrew Garfield proving to be a particularly inspired casting choice as Peter Parker/Spider-Man.

8.    Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry (Sundance Selects) and Somewhere Between (Long Shot Factory/Ladylike Films):  The two best documentaries I saw all year found their origins in China, though both are made by American filmmakers.  The former is a no-holds-barred biography of the famed artist and blogger, who has consistently defied government censorship in calling for greater freedom of speech in the People’s Republic.  Somewhere Between, meanwhile, provides an intimate, insightful look into the challenges facing children adopted from China by US parents.  Both films reveal it’s not such a small world after all.

9.    Bully (The Weinstein Company):  A timely, potentially life-changing documentary focusing on several young people bullied by their peers for one ridiculous reason or another.  It shows, shockingly but also somewhat predictably, that the juvenile perpetrators may not be so much to blame as their ignorant parents and impotent teachers, who repeatedly turn a blind eye to the abuse.  The movie sparked a silly ratings controversy but was ultimately released in a PG-13 version that ought to be required viewing in high schools nationwide.

10.    Skyfall (Sony Pictures) and Everything or Nothing: The Untold Story of 007 (Epix):  It is certainly fitting, though initially hardly guaranteed, that the 50th anniversary of James Bond’s cinematic exploits in 2012 would result in one of the very best and most financially-successful films to date featuring the superspy, as well as in an exceptional documentary tracing the often-tortured history of the Bond films.  Bond-age is obviously alive and well.  Oh, James!   

Honorable Mentions (movies that rated a B+ in my critic’s log but in no particular order): The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Silver Linings Playbook, Life of Pi, The Sessions, Return, The Grey, The Invisible War, Sassy Pants, Brave, Love Free or Die, How to Survive a Plague, Argo, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Flight and The Cabin in the Woods.

And my considered picks for the five worst movies of 2012 are:
1.    Magic Mike (Warner Bros.):  Along with many of my fellow gays, I was suckered into seeing this male-stripper epic with a gaggle of my pals during its largely sold-out opening weekend.  The stripteases are coyly shot, the characters are way too hetero given the setting (with the possible exception of the club’s impresario, played to the hilt by Matthew McConaughey), and the central love story dull.  Give me Christopher Atkins in 1982’s One Night in Heaven any day over this!

2.    The Ballad of Genesis and Lady Jaye (Adopt Films):  I’m not sure which irritated me more: the obnoxious trans musician/performance artists at the center of this documentary or the in-your-face style employed by filmmaker Marie Losier.  At any rate, I’m sorry to say this is one GLBT-interest tale best left unseen by our community.

3.    Prometheus (20th Century Fox): This much-hyped prequel/sequel/reboot of the classic 1979 shocker Alien turned out to be baffling bordering on the incoherent.  Though stylishly made in 3D by the original’s director, Ridley Scott, and featuring memorable turns by Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender, it ultimately commits the sin of being more pretentious than terrifying.

4.    One for the Money (Lionsgate):  The bounty-hunting Stephanie Plum character created by novelist Janet Evanovich is definitely deserving of big-screen treatment.  Alas, this halfhearted effort wasn’t it.  Katherine Heigl gives the role her best but she seems stifled, as do her gay-friendly supporting cast members Debbie Reynolds, John Leguizamo, Debra Monk and Daniel Sunjata.

5.    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 2 (Summit):  Calling this closing chapter of the teeny-bopper vampire quintology the best in the series is fairly faint praise, since its predecessors are arguably the most artistically-deficient blockbusters ever made.  Credit gay director Bill Condon for the finale’s more adventurous spirit. 

By Rev. Chris Carpenter, resident film critic of Movie Dearest and Rage Monthly Magazine.

Reel Thoughts: The 2012 Neelys

EDITOR’S NOTE: The day before his untimely death on December 8, our friend Neil Cohen filed his annual list of the best and worst movies of 2012, which would turn out to be his last article for Echo Magazine, Phoenix's long-running GLBT publication. He called these recaps of the past year in film the "Neely Awards", named after Neely O’Hara, the starlet played by Patty Duke in The Valley of the Dolls. Movie Dearest extends special thanks to Echo Magazine for providing us with the following for posting here.

If judged by this year’s best actor competition, 2012 was a very good year. Daniel Day Lewis, star of Lincoln, is duking it out with Bill Murray’s Franklin Roosevelt from Hyde Park on Hudson. Anthony Hopkins in Hitchcock is up against Ben Affleck’s faux 1979 filmmaker Tony Mendez from Argo. And Richard Gere’s 2008-era Robert Miller from Arbitrage is ready to join the fray against 1980s-era John Hawkes from The Sessions. For the most part, the best films of the year all seemed to be living in the past, including a trip back in time to Middle Earth in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and a blast from the past in the 1990s-set The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

THE BEST:

Les Misérables: The decades long wait is over, and while Les Misérables isn’t a perfect film, it features enough perfect elements to make it the best film of the year. Anne Hathaway’s heartbreaking performance as Fantine and Hugh Jackman’s tour de force Jean Valjean are reason enough to see the film, and director Tom Hooper keeps most of the show’s power and emotion intact.
Why it rocks: That music! The emotions! “I Dreamed A Dream” will bring tears to your eyes.

Hitchcock: Sure, Anthony Hopkins doesn’t look just like the Master of Suspense, but he creates an Alfred Hitchcock who garners our sympathy and respect. Helen Mirren as his long-suffering wife Alma is just as good.
Why it rocks: The delicious behind-the-scenes look at the making of Psycho is irresistible, with fantastic performances from Scarlett Johansson, James D’Arcy, Toni Collette and Jessica Biel.

Argo: Director Ben Affleck proves his talents with this story ripped from the history vaults of the best worst plan to rescue a group of Americans from Iran during the 1979 hostage crisis by faking a cheesy sci-fi movie. Affleck is great on screen as well, and his cast disappears into their ’70s personas perfectly.
Why it rocks: As with Hitchcock, the behind-the-scenes stuff in Hollywood and Washington DC is funny and entertaining, while the Iranian scenes have more nail-biting suspense than you’d expect, especially knowing the outcome. Plus, all those ’70’s trappings — the hair, the clothes, the old-fashioned technology — are priceless.

ParaNorman: The best animated film of the year featured a boy who is bullied because he’s different — he sees dead people. Norman’s fight to save his touristy, witch-obsessed town from its evil mascot is a lot of fun, but its anti-bullying message comes through loud and clear.
Why it rocks: With its message of tolerance, ParaNorman is the most gay-positive animated film yet. Plus it features a knock-out funny “outing” you’ll never see coming.

Magic Mike: If you’re going to make a sexy male stripper movie, you might as well cast some of the hottest men in Hollywood and get auteur Steven Soderbergh to direct it and give it some class. Drool-worthy Channing Tatum is funny and likable in the title role, which was inspired by his own life of taking-it-off in Florida. The story is straight off the Saturday Night Fever template of a sexy stud finding his way out of a dead-end life, but the on-stage scenery is way better.
Why it rocks: Let me count the ways. Hot and out Matt Bomer, ripped and rough Joe Manganiello, chiseled and dangerous Matthew McConaughey and even dull Alex Pettyfer make this the best-looking cast of the year. Sharp writing helps, too.

Bully: Lee Hirsch’s heartbreaking documentary shed much-needed light on the epidemic of bullying in our schools and created a dialogue from the moment the ratings board tried to slap it with an R rating. Particularly moving are the story of Kelby, a lesbian in Tuttle, Oklahoma who was openly mocked by teachers, and the story of Tyler Long’s suicide and his courageous parents’ quest to prevent the same kind of bullying.
Why it rocks: Documentaries can right a huge number of wrongs. Bully is an incredibly powerful weapon to effect change.

Safety Not Guaranteed: A trio of newspaper reporters goes in search of a man who posted an ad looking for “someone to travel back in time with me. Safety not guaranteed… I have only done this once.” Jake Johnson (New Girl), Aubrey Plaza (Parks and Recreation) and indie film regular Mark DuPlass enliven this highly unusual comic drama.
Why it rocks: The deadpan Plaza and possibly nuts DuPlass have great chemistry, and the story of investigating a tabloid topic like time travel is a perfect set-up for a film.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Fans of the book are thrilled that the author Stephen Chbosky wrote and directed this film version, but audiences were thrilled by the smart look at high school life and the excellent performances by Logan Lerman, Emma Watson and Ezra Miller, who played his gay character with wit and depth that made him come to life.
Why it rocks: Some might say the rock soundtrack, but the ensemble of Watson, Lerman and Miller, as well as the early-’90s setting, is what really makes the film take off.

Silver Linings Playbook: This slice of crazy life in Philadelphia features Bradley Cooper in his best performance yet as a bipolar guy pining for his unfaithful wife. He learns to move on with the help of a fellow outcast played by a luminous Jennifer Lawrence. Robert DeNiro, Jacki Weaver and Chris Tucker all give amazing performances.
Why it rocks: It’s the ultimate date night compromise: sports fever meets ballroom dancing! The family dynamics between Cooper and DeNiro really strike a chord, as does the message about letting go of the past and seizing every moment you can. Plus, Lawrence has never been better.

Life of Pi: Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee brings the best-selling novel to the screen with the most breathtaking use of 3-D yet. This castaway story of an Indian boy trapped on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger is a life-affirming story of overcoming obstacles, while it doesn’t shy away from showing the death part of the “Circle of Life” either.
Why it rocks: The CGI tiger (named "Richard Parker") is amazingly expressive and lifelike, while the visuals throughout the film can’t be matched by any other film this year.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: This return to the Middle Earth of the Lord of the Rings trilogy is actually a prequel, just like J.R.R. Tolkien’s book. Hobbit Bilbo Baggins is summoned by Sir Ian McKellen’s wizard Gandalf to assist a band of dwarfs in freeing their homeland from an evil dragon. It is chock full of eye-popping action scenes, made even more so by being filmed at 48 frames per second, twice the normal speed.
Why it rocks: The message of finding courage when tested is a great one for kids, not to mention that Andy Serkis’ Gollum is just as certifiably crazy as ever. Is it worth three films? We’ll see, but it is filled with epic battles against orcs, trolls and goblins that will warm the heart of the geek inside all of us.

THE WORST:


A Thousand Words: Eddie Murphy stars in a bomb. That isn’t surprising, but what is shocking is how awful this bomb is, even by Murphy’s low standards. Every time he utters a word, a tree of life in his back yard loses a leaf on its way to dying. The audience feels the same way with every passing minute.
Why it sucks: A concept where Murphy is punished for every word he says would have been more fitting for Pluto Nash, but as it is, it’s the weakest premise yet for one of the actor’s flops.

That’s My Boy: Adam Sandler stars in a rancid comedy. Again, you might ask, “Which one?” Basing a comedy off of the Mary Kay LeTourneau molestation case wasn’t brilliant to begin with, but Sandler’s blind confidence in the charm of his annoying character, a man who was seduced by his teacher as a kid and is now a failure trying to reconnect with his son, is really deluded. Andy Samberg better pick better projects in the future if he wants to move past Saturday Night Live.
Why it sucks: Even compared to his usual characters, Sandler’s Donny is a blot on the history of cinema. Sandler brings out the worst in every actor he uses, but at least Rob Schneider isn’t in it.

October Baby: This story of a girl who sets out to find the mother who tried to abort her is right-wing propaganda supporting the ongoing “war on women.” The bad acting is just the icing on the rotten cake.
Why it sucks: The issue of a woman’s right to choose is far too complicated and important for this kind of ham-fisted propaganda. It’s a cheap shot in the national discussion.

Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure: These things are oogie alright, although I don’t think they’re supposed to inspire nightmares in kids and migraines in adults. If the warning, “From the makers of Teletubbies” doesn’t scare you off, the horrifying cameos by Jaime Pressly, Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachmen and Chazz Palminteri should.
Why it sucks: “We’re the Oogies!” shouted in voices that will peel paint.

Possession: Oooooooo, a spooky demon box at a garage sale possesses a little girl. How will Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick save their daughter? This PG-13 scare fest is light on the scares and heavy on the claustrophobic “we didn’t have a budget for a full cast or a good screenplay” schlock that plagues most of these Insidious rip-offs.
Why it sucks: Morgan seems more and more like a hungover Javier Bardem. Jumanji had more scares than this tired garage sale reject.

Joyful Noise: It pains me to diss a Dolly Parton/Queen Latifah movie, but since it takes place in a church, I have to tell the truth and shame the devil. A Joyful Noise is full of noise and short on joy. Parton can’t give a bad performance, but her squabbles with her rival for church choir director aren’t funny and the story feels like a tired Glee rip-off. A concert featuring Parton and Latifah, along with co-stars Kris Kristofferson, Newsies star Jeremy Jordan and Legally Blonde’s Andy Karl would have been a far better choice.
Why it sucks: Between the forced whimsy and the curdled fighting, you just want to shout “Shut up and sing!” at the screen.

Friends With Kids: With friends like these, who needs enemies? Cut from the “Problems Yuppies Have” cookbook, this bitter-tasting dramedy about two friends who decide to have a kid together is no Bridesmaids, even though it shares some of the same cast. Director Jennifer Westfeldt (Kissing Jessica Stein) should have hired a better writer and star than Jennifer Westfeldt if she wanted people to warm to her film.
Why it sucks: Westfeldt and Adam Scott’s annoying conversations late at night are meant to be Bridesmaids racy and hilarious, but they’re like something written by an alien who doesn’t quite understand human beings yet.

Damsels in Distress: Whit Stillman, who’s made a career of filming WASPs in their natural habitat, overdoses on quirkiness with this annoying film about a trio of do-gooders at a politically correct Ivy League college. Greta Gerwig plays a clueless queen bee who ineffectively tries to help everyone she meets, oblivious to her and the film’s shortcomings.
Why it sucks: The annoying preciousness of this film will send you to the dentist from grinding your teeth. It’s nice that Stillman makes movies he likes, but does he have to inflict them on us?

2016: Obama’s America: Just what this country needed : another divisive, race-baiting piece of propaganda intended to stir up the crazies in the Right Wing. Disgraced filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza wastes our time fabricating a fictional Barack Obama and fretting about what the US will be like after his presidency.
Why it sucks: Who won that election anyway? Americans are finally taking Nancy Reagan’s advice and just saying “no” to Right Wing conspiracy nuts.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: Would you believe it’s the second film of the year about a person who dies when all the leaves fall, this time from the title character’s shins? Nothing goes right, from the tone to the acting to the awful framing device. Cutesy and saccharine, Timothy Green is odd alright, just not very good.
Why it sucks: YouTube was on fire with clips of permanently scarred children sobbing from the film’s manipulations.

One for the Money: Katherine Heigl ruins another movie. Not only that, she torpedoed the much-loved Stephanie Plum novels of Janet Evanovich as a potential franchise. Maybe the story of a Jersey girl who becomes a bounty hunter would have worked with an actress that doesn’t send audiences into fits of revulsion. It only took Hollywood 18 years to do this first film version, so don’t hold your breath.
Why it sucks: Two words: Katherine Heigl. And the script by committee didn’t help.

And now for The Chloe Sevigny Award for Worst Actor and Actress of the Year:
Worst Actress: In a year when Kristin Stewart produced multiple performances, she was handily beaten for this honor by the monumentally wooden and unwatchable performance of Cody Horn in the otherwise tasty Magic Mike. Why would anyone cast her? Perhaps because her father is Alan Horn, chairman of the Walt Disney Studios?

Worst Actor: The winner raised his status from annoying to insufferable in just one film, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Dev Patel went from acclaim in Slumdog Millionaire to annoying in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender, but nothing can prepare you for the full-on Indian minstrel show he puts on in Marigold. It is no wonder that audiences can’t wait to get back to the Brits, like Judi Dench, Maggie Smith and Tom Wilkinson, while watching the film. They’re amazing, but Patel makes every scene he’s in nearly unbearable.

By Neil Cohen, resident film critic of Movie Dearest and Phoenix's Echo Magazine.

Men on Film: Magical or Magic-less?

I don't know how a movie about strippers can manage to be simultaneously leering and coy, but such is the case with Steven Soderbergh's Magic Mike. The surprise hit has been drawing hordes of screaming women and, to my observation, quieter but not necessarily less enthusiastic groups of gay men since it opened last Friday. While unique as a movie-going experience (at least during opening weekend) the film is strictly standard issue despite its exotic setting and Oscar-winning director.

The suddenly omnipresent Channing Tatum stars (and inspired the plot) as the title character, who performs at a female-oriented Miami nightclub as part of a troupe of male stripper-dancers. He takes an aimless 19-year old (Alex Pettyfer, the alien teen in I Am Number Four) under his wing and they soon become, at the younger’s stated insistence, best friends. But Magic Mike isn’t able to protect his charge from the temptations of drugs, greed, indiscriminate sex and disloyalty that are, if this film is to be believed, part-and-parcel with the stripping vocation.

Matthew McConaughey gives the film’s best performance as the club’s charismatic yet occasionally sinister owner. He’s something of a buffer, tanner version of Joel Grey’s emcee in Cabaret. Rounding out the troupe are familiar faces Joe Manganiello (True Blood), Matt Bomer (the out star of White Collar), Kevin Nash and Adam Rodriguez. Sadly, though, Reid Carolin’s by-the-numbers screenplay doesn’t allow for much to be revealed of these supporting characters other than their bare chests and butts. Meanwhile, actress Cody Horn is less than impressive as Mike’s romantic interest, sporting exactly one facial expression throughout the film except when she laughs while taking a sandbar stroll.

I’m no connoisseur of male strip shows, although I have been known to stuff a few dollars (neatly folded, never crumpled) into a few g-strings in my time. To its credit, Magic Mike captures well the stylish yet seedy veneer of many such clubs. The strip/dance numbers are also well-staged and –photographed. Strangely, though, the movie tends to obscure or cut quickly away from the mens’ full-frontal yet thong-clad moments. There is stage humping and lap dancing galore but we rarely get even a veiled hint of the actors’ natural endowments. While incidental, such coyness in this heavily-trumpeted celebration of man-flesh struck me as odd and maybe even hypocritical. There also isn't a single gay character in the film but it does feature a bisexual female character.

More than a few reputable fellow critics have bestowed laurels upon Magic Mike, largely thanks to Soderbergh’s reputation. While Mr. S. does fine work with what he’s given, it ultimately amounts to little of substance. You may be able to pad a stripper’s pouch but not this film’s barely mediocre script.

Reverend's Rating: C-

Review by Rev. Chris Carpenter, resident film critic of Movie Dearest and Rage Monthly Magazine.

Channing Tatum really comes into his own in Magic Mike, which is fitting since the film was inspired by his own experiences as a stripper in Florida. Director Steven Soderbergh, best known for Erin Brockovich and last year’s disappointing Contagion, brings some cinematic class and depth to the story of a group of rowdy strippers in Tampa, Florida.

Led by Matthew McConaughey in a gonzo performance as club owner Dallas, Magic Mike is as sexy and fun as you could hope for, at least in the first half. There are plenty of hilarious and raunchy strip numbers where the gorgeous cast really gets to show off their stuff. The latter half of the movie feels more like a hangover after a drunken bachelorette party, but that is in keeping with the film’s segue into the darker side of the dirty dancing business.

In addition to Tatum, who plays Mike, a stud with his eye on more than working construction, detailing cars and, most lucratively, baring it all at Club Xquisite, the cast includes True Blood’s tall, dark and studly Joe Manganiello as Big Dick Richie, the Fireman. We don’t get to see nearly enough of his well-endowed character off stage, but you do get to see evidence onstage of where he got his name. Manganiello deserves more screen time, as do his fellow dance studs. Newly out hunk Matt Bomer plays Ken, a stud with a wife who likes to swing with his fellow dancers and is very into the partying lifestyle. (Look for Elvis’ granddaughter Riley Keough in Bomer’s big scene; she’s the one with the piglet!) Also, Ugly Betty’s Latin lover Adam Rodriguez co-stars as Tito, who doesn’t figure into the story very much but does add a lot of nice eye candy during the dance routines.

At 6’10” and fifty-two years old, Tarzan (WWE wrestler Kevin Nash, a.k.a. Big Sexy) is the biggest and oldest of the guys, but he’s made of pure muscle. He’s definitely the homeliest dancer in the bunch. Overdoing it with a drug cocktail supplied by the club’s DJ, he leaves an opening in the act for Alex Pettyfer’s character nicknamed The Kid. Pettyfer’s Adam meets Tatum’s Mike at a construction site where Adam manages to get fired the first day. Mike gives him a lift home, where he meets Adam’s over-protective sister Brooke, played by Cody Horn, the daughter of Walt Disney Chairman Alan F. Horn. This becomes notable when Horn’s deadpan acting leaves you wondering why she was cast.

Mike makes Adam the slacker into a stripper star, and like Margo Channing in All About Eve and Cristal Connors in Showgirls, the older star watches as his protégé becomes more and more enamored with the lifestyle as Mike becomes more serious and disillusioned.

Tatum is unbelievably cute in Magic Mike, even making a scene with a loan officer sexy. His charisma actually brings his costar Horn to life, which is a miracle. The blonde Hilary Swank look-alike’s performance is so dry, she makes Kristen Stewart and Chloe Sevigny look like Meryl Streep in comparison. Mike’s infatuation with such an uptight drip is the film’s biggest flaw. Pettyfer, who looks like Ashton Kutcher in this film, plays Adam with a mysterious blankness, but the scene where he blithely dismisses a huge gesture of friendship by Mike plays so false and hollow, it’s phonier than the scene is intended.

Of course, Magic Mike is all about the stripping, and on that count, it doesn’t disappoint. The group numbers and Tatum’s gymnastic solo dance routines will make you want to pitch dollars at the screen. Until, that is,  the film turns serious and Adam starts messing around with the sleazier side of the business, including a tryst with Elvis’ granddaughter Riley Keough.

Magic Mike is hilarious and light-hearted entertainment. It may also be the only Hollywood film where a penis pump is shown in use. Although the story of a guy who begins to question his fun-loving, fast-partying life was old when John Travolta did it in Saturday Night Fever, Tatum and director Soderbergh make Magic Mike a surprisingly moving peep show.

Reel Thoughts Rating: B

Review by Neil Cohen, resident film critic of Movie Dearest and Phoenix's Echo Magazine.

Review: Magic Mike (2012)

Channing Tatum (center) as Magic Mike

Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Produced by Reid Carolin, Gregory Jacobs, Channing Tatum, and Nick Wechsler
Written by Reid Carolin
Starring Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Cody Horn, Olivia Munn, Matt Bomer, Riley Keough, Joe Manganiello, Kevin Nash, Adam Rodriguez, and Gabriel Iglesias

***

Steven Soderbergh's latest film is a change of pace for the director after Contagion last fall and Haywire earlier this year, both of which were genre movies that were heavy on suspense or action. Channing Tatum stars as Magic Mike, a stripper-entrepreneur who dreams of owning his own custom furniture business. Under the watchful eye of his boss (a scene-stealing Matthew McConaughey), he brings in "The Kid" (Pettyfer) as a new stripper, getting involved with the rookie's sister (Horn) in the process. But the life of sex and money takes it toll on Mike, and he is forced to chose between what he really wants and what he pretends to want. While this is not a prestigious awards movie, it is a good time spent at the theater.

The film does not shy away from playing up the humor and the drama, and the cast is particularly successful in balancing these moments. Soderbergh's Tatum may seem like another take on his character from Haywire, but it works for the film. Meanwhile, the supporting cast is well-suited to the material, and the film succeeds in drawing the viewer into the world of these characters. There are moments of hilarity, of danger, of sex, of tenderness. Still, the movie manages to avoid going too over the top in its comedic scenes and being melodramatic in its more serious ones. This could have gone horribly wrong. It is no surprise that the film achieves what it does because Soderbergh knows how to make movies.

Oscar Potential: Best Supporting Actor (McConaughey)

Reel Thoughts Preview: Do You Believe in Magic?

We’re fairly certain that Sir Laurence Olivier didn’t start his acting career as a stripper named “Chan Crawford” in a troupe called “Male Encounters”, but then again, he didn’t have Channing Tatum’s abs of steel. Tatum joins a gorgeous cast of Hollywood hunks in esteemed director Steven Soderbergh’s (Traffic) sexy and fun-looking romp Magic Mike, in theaters this Friday.

Check out YouTube and you’ll see where the inspiration for this film about a seasoned male stripper showing a “Kid” (Alex Pettyfer) the ropes (and g-strings) of the business originated. Tatum is a rarity – a drop-dead handsome actor who is comfortable enough with his masculinity to have stripped in Florida and posed for some pretty homoerotic pictures to pay the bills. As Ulla in The Producers sings, “If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It!” and Tatum is happy to oblige. He pitched the idea of a film about his experiences as a dancer and Soderbergh saw the potential.

Magic Mike is a Tampa stripper who teaches a newcomer everything he needs to know about dancing, partying and making big money taking off his clothes. In the process, he falls for the Kid’s protective sister Brooke (played by newcomer Cody Horn, who just happens to the be the daughter of Warner Brothers President Alan F. Horn). Eventually, every stripper has to hang up their tear-away pants and settle down, but Brooke isn’t much interested in joining Magic Mike’s lifestyle. Fortunately, the audience is treated to many scenes of what exactly Mike and company do for crumpled up singles, fives and the occasional twenty dollar bill. “You don’t want to know what I have to do for twenties,” Mike warns Brooke, but we can only hope he shows us.

While it will be a couple of days before we can see Tatum and his boys strut their stuff under the watchful eye of club owner Matthew McConaughey, we do know enough about the film to introduce you to the Men of Magic Mike:

- Dallas: McConaughey plays the owner of the night club who shows off some pretty ripped abs himself. McConaughey is photographed shirtless so often, it’s become his trademark, and who can ever forget his Texas arrest for naked bongo-playing?

· 'Magic' Mike Martingano: Tatum plays a big draw at McConaughey’s club who is trying to find something more to do with his life. Tatum is comfortable in comedy, drama and Nicholas Spark-y romances, and more than comfortable out of his clothes.

· The Kid: Pettyfer plays the young guy who Magic Mike indoctrinates into the world of stripping. At twenty-two, Brit Pettyfer has already gained a reputation as a bad boy, which he denies. He likes tattoo tributes to his girlfriends, who’ve included Emma Roberts and Glee’s Diana Agron. He’s best known as the lead in I Am Number Four and Beastly.

· Ken: Matt Bomer has recently come out, which makes him even more gorgeous. In addition to his starring role in the USA Network's White Collar, Bomer also drew raves for his musical work on Glee as Darren Criss’ semi-famous brother. His great physique is drawing raves in Magic Mike. At thirty-four, he and his partner have three children who were born via surrogate.

· 'Big Dick' Richie: Joe Manganiello’s moniker must refer to his 6’5” height, right? This thirty-five year-old True Blood werewolf has been driving audiences wild with his rugged looks for a decade, but he is also a classically-trained theater actor. (It’s also just a coincidence that his 2002 role in something called The Ketchup King was as “Black Dildo.”)

· Tito: Adam Rodriguez rocked Ana Ortiz’ life on Ugly Betty and made CSI: Miami bearable. It only makes sense for a Florida-set comedy to have some Latin flavor.

Eight Sizzling Stripper Sagas:

Magic Mike isn’t the first film to delve into men baring all for their art (and those crumpled singles), but it may be the sexiest. Here are six films to see if you’re into eager ecdysiasts, male or female:

The Full Monty (1997): This hit British film about a bunch of regular blokes who turn to stripping when their factory shuts down was more heartwarming than heart-racing, but it spawned a hit musical and featured Once Upon a Time’s Robert Carlysle, Tom Wilkinson and Mark Addy.

A Night in Heaven (1983): All stripper movies seem to be set in Florida (heck, even the Octomom is set to strip in the Sunshine State), so it is no surprise that this overheated drama was filmed in Titusville. Lesley Ann Warren plays a sexually frustrated professor who falls in lust with Ricky the Rocket, one of her failing students who she spies stripping at a bar called Heaven. The Blue Lagoon’s Christopher Atkins continued his mostly unclothed career as the sexy but immature Rick.

Ladykillers (1988): Grade A Cheese with a healthy serving of beefcake! This TV movie stars Marilu Henner as a tough detective in charge of finding out who is killing the strippers of LA’s hottest club Ladykillers right in the middle of their finales. Her solution is to send her partner, played by Melrose Place’s Thomas Calabro, in undercover, although it is really more of an 'uncovered' stakeout. Another Lesley-Anne, Lesley-Anne Down, plays the Joan Crawfordesque owner of Ladykillers, but is she living up to her bar’s name?

Trick (1999): This hilariously sweet romance tells the story of sweet Gabriel, played by Christian Campbell, who meets sexy stripper Mark, played by adorable John Paul Pitoc. As the title says, they just want to “make it” in the city, but everything and everyone is standing in the way of their trick, including the hilarious Tori Spelling and and the scene-stealing Miss Coco Peru.

The Chippendales Murder (2000): Who knew that before he was a ruthless Iraqi assassin on Lost, Naveen Andrews played Steve Banerjee, the man who invented Chippendale’s male revue? This TV movie featured Castle’s Victor Webster in a very revealing role as dancer Marco Carolo. It’s the true life tale of how Banerjee tried to poison his star strippers when he found out they were going into competition with him.

For Ladies Only (1981):  Many a gay man of a certain age looks back fondly upon this made-for-TV beefcake classic, which starred a hot and hunky Gregory Harrison as an Iowa farm boy trying to make it big in the Big Apple. The (almost) all-star cast also included Empty Nest's Dinah Manoff, Reagan daughter Patti Davis (as Harrison's love interests) and a pre-Beastmaster Marc Singer. Why isn't this on DVD yet?

Striptease (1996): What kind of a stripper (in Florida, naturally) does her bump-and-grind routines to Annie Lennox songs? Do truckers and horny businessmen even know who the Eurythmics singer is? Of course, Demi Moore was trying to do “art” with her “striptease,” which makes this sad comedy funny for all the wrong reasons. Burt Reynolds is embarrassing as a sleazy and obsessive congressman who fixates on Moore at “The Eager Beaver” and who likes to cover himself in Vaseline.

- Showgirls (1995): No list of supreme strip-a-thons is complete without mentioning Paul Verhoeven’s masterpiece of bad taste. While the glitzy “Goddess” number at the Stardust Casino was getting all the buzz, the real action was happening over at the Cheetah Show Club, where Elizabeth Berkley’s Nomi Malone didn’t just pole dance and lap lance, she “lick-danced” the stripper pole in one awesomely crazy moment (to a Prince song, no less). That, Demi, is how you do it! The Cheetah is a treasure trove of talent, from Lin Tucci’s boob-baring comic Henrietta Bazooms to Rena Riffle’s sweet Penny, all under the watchful eye of sleazy club owner Robert Davi, who only ten years earlier had been a Bond villain.

Preview by Neil Cohen, resident film critic of Movie Dearest and Phoenix's Echo Magazine.