[3.75/10] That's My Boy (2012)

That's My Boy (2012)

QuickRating: Irrelevant, tasteless, at times outrageously cynical, often deeply embarrassing to watch, and featuring mostly crude humor, lame jokes, lame performances, and even lamer characters, Sean Anders and John Morris' "That's My Boy" (may or) may not be the worst Adam Sandler movie, but it's pretty darn close, and despite some amusing scenes here and there, it's totally devoid of genuine laugh-out-loud moments, or any sort of wit.

[3.75/10] Smiley (2012)

Smiley (2012)

Brief review: From 23-year-old director, Michael J. Gallagher, "Smiley" is yet another poor attempt at slasher - a bold take on a modern urban legend, that doesn't really work. Even from the daft premise and the ridiculous opening sequence, you could tell that "Smiley" is going to be one silly slasher film filled with hackneyed cliches, and it turns out exactly that. Simply imagine Wes Craven's hit "Scream" meets Bernard Rose's "Candyman" with a contemporary twist, and little to no imagination put into the story, and you get "Smiley". The movie shamelessly rips-off the above mention horror classics, which makes it and its director even more pathetic. The young director obviously "did it for the lulz" (as the most popular line in the movie says), because pretty much everything about this movie is ludicrous to the point of being laughable. Worst of all, the suspense and thrills in "Smiley" are nonexistent. The only 'scary stuff' this flick provides its thrill-seeking audience with, is predictable behind-your-back killer attacks, and quick deaths with too little blood. Smiley itself is creepy-looking enough, but his dullness won't let him turn into a horror legend. The technical aspects of the film are also below par. It has a cheap TV feel to it, due to Gallagher's lifeless direction and low production values. On a positive note, Caitlin Gerard delivers a genuine lead performance, despite the awful script she has to work with.

Overall summary: Unaware of its utter stupidity, "Smiley" confidently attempts to introduces us a new slasher icon (wannabe), but actually ends up being yet another generic teen horror with silly premise, copycat ideas, no thrills, and a killer that is very soon to be forgotten.

This review is also featured on TVFilmNews.com

[3.75/10] A Thousand Words (2012)

A Thousand Words (2012)

QuickRating: Eddie Murphy does an adequate job considering his voiceless character and the poor script he's been given to work with, Kerry Washington is gorgeous and alluring as usual, and there are a couple of sweet moments, but apart from that, "A Thousand Words" is just another predictable, laughless comedy with a ludicrous premise and tons of flat jokes, that probalby ranks as one of its main star worst movies ever, if not the worst.

[3.75/10] Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

Ghost Rider:
Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

Brief review: After the unfortunate "Jonah Hex", directing duo Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylorand bring us another lackluster effort, which also happens to be a sequel of Marvel's "Ghost Rider" from 2007. While the original movie was kind of cheesy fun and somewhat watchable, this sequel is not even cheesy. It's just bad. In fact, it's so bad, it could be easily considered to be one the worst Marvel Comics-based movies ever made. The script is an uninspired mess, and everything about the story feels familiar and borrowed from other movies, the comic book-like back stories not only suck, but also make the plot even more confusing than it already is, and Neveldine and Taylorand's direction is amateurish, lazy, incompetent and dull as the movie itself. There nothing special about the special effects either. Not sure how hard is it to make a cool-looking burning skull, but the team behind the visual effects seems to have been struggling with that, and the end result is both lame and disappointing. On a positive note, some of the action sequences are entertaining and well-executed, plus, "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" offers some nice and interesting scenery from Romania and Turkey. Although Idris Elba and Ciarán Hinds both deliver solid performances, Violante Placido and Johnny Whitworth's weak acting lets the film down, and Nicolas Cage gives another nutty, overconfident performance as Ghost Rider.

Overall summary: A couple of cool action sequences aside, "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" is a poor sequel to a mediocre original, that is not only boring and unexciting to watch, but also suffers badly from a cliched script, cheesy special effects and lackluster direction.

[3.75/10] Death and Cremation (2011)

Death and Cremation (2011)

QuickRating: Despite Brad Dourif's disturbingly creepy portrayal of a lonely, antisocial cremator, "Death and Cremation" fails to deliver the chills. From the bizarre relationship between the two male leading characters to their ridiculous motives for murdering innocent people in an extremely harsh way, pretty much nothing about this cheap and uninspired indie horror movie works the way it should.

[3.75/10] The Fields (2011)

The Fields (2011)

One-sentence review: Lifeless, dull, uninteresting, and just plain bizarre, "The Fields" suffers from an identity crisis, considering itself as pure horror, but it turns out a moody snooze-fest that promises a lot, but delivers very little.

[3.75/10] Sector 7 (2011)

Sector 7 (2011)

QuickRating: Bad news for all creature feature fans. Koreans most anticipated movie of 2011 ended up being monsterously disappointing. Its premise is promising, the choice of location is rather brilliant and the sea creature itself is impressively designed and has a unique look, but "Sector 7" is completely ruined by a by-the-number script, utter lack of thrills, lots of pointless scenes, and Ji-hun Kim's dull, messy and terribly unimaginative direction.

[3.75/10] The Tapes (2011)

The Tapes (2011)

QuickRating: Despite its promising premise, this British crap of a POV horror movie fails on almost every single level, except that it's shot in a creepy location, that is somewhat effective. However, featuring dull story, annoying characters and shallow dialogues, and lacking in suspense and genuine thrills, "The Tape" is the perfect example of how NOT to make a 'found footage' film. Avoid at all costs, unless if you're a die-hard fan of this genre.

[3.75/10] Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011)

Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011)

QuickRating: It has its moments of fun, the penguins are incredibly cute, and the kids even cuter, but "Mr. Popper's Penguins" is an absolutely ridiculous family comedy that suffers from its improbable and laughably absurd script, and Jim Carrey's typically over-the-top acting. His goofiness still brings a few laughs, but it's the penguins that steal the show. And being outshined by an animal, whether real or CGI, is never a good thing.

[3.75/10] The Dragon Pearl (2011)

The Dragon Pearl (2011)

Brief review: Proclaimed as the first-ever Chinese-Australian co-production, "The Dragon Pearl" seems like an interesting project, and very promising on paper, but sadly, its lackluster execution and director Mario Andreacchio's lack of ideas and imagination really let the film down - pretty much everything about this juvenile fantasy flick feels contrived and uninspired, to the point of being ridiculous. Another big surprise is that, despite its fair budget, "The Dragon Pearl" is quite unimpressive, visually, except that it offers plenty of beautiful landscapes. But, let's face it - a couple of stunning shots don't make a good movie. The Chinese dragon itself is kinda cute and friendly-looking, yet totally lame in terms of graphic design. The CGI effects are cheesy at best, the action sequences are few and far between, and the music score is annoyingly inappropriate. Aside from Mr. Sam Neill, all the other actors involved in this project are wildly unknown and inexperienced, and it shows. Neill does a typically decent job as the archeologist and Josh's father, but the otherwise adorable Li Lin Jin and Louis Corbett fail do impress in their roles. They both deliver their lines stiffly and react quite unnaturally in front of the camera, due to the lack of acting experience.

Overall summary: With its poorly-adapted script, unimaginative direction and sub-par acting, this unfortunate collaboration between China and Australia could be considered as a huge cinematic failure, as "The Dragon Pearl" offers nothing new or even remotely entertaining.

[3.75/10] My Soul to Take (2010)

My Soul to Take (2010)

Written and directed by horror veteran Wes Craven, "My Soul to Take" follows the small town of Riverton, Massachusetts, where a legend tells of a notorious serial killer who placed a curse on a town before he died. He vowed he would return to kill all those who were born on the same night when he died. Seven children were born on that night and now, 16 years later those children start to disappear without a trace. Is it possible that the serial killer have cheated death on that dreadful night when people thought he was killed, or he has been reincarnated as of the seven children he vowed to kill? Well, only one of those kids knows the answer to the question. "My Soul to Take" is the first movie since 1994 "New Nightmare", that Wes Craven both wrote and directed, yet unfortunately, this fact doesn't save the film from being a complete and utter failure. Obviously Craven has completely run out of idea, as his latest teen slasher is painfully unoriginal and formulaic, and it suffers from confusing narrative, lack of focus and terrible pacing. Worst of all, it's boring as hell, as it delivers very few thrills and even less chills. The death scenes are few and far between, and while pretty gory, are extremely unsatisfying and devoid of any imagination whatsoever. Moreover, "My Soul to Take" is overstuffed with superficial characters who act stupidly and illogically, and filled with ridiculous dialogues that add to its overall silliness. Acting-wise, this crappy slasher also fails to impress. Max Thieriot's performance as Bug is, stylistically, all over the place. It ranges from over-the-top to completely bland and unconvincing. All of the supporting performances are sub-par, without a any real standouts. Craven's decision to convert this snoozefest in 3D is as ridiculous, as the movie itself. In this case, the 3D conversion is totally unnecessary, simply because "My Soul to Take" has nothing to offer in terms of special effects, action and violence. Add to this a stupid, supposed-to-be-shocking twist ending in the style of "Scream", and you get "My Soul to Take". On a positive note, the film is well-produced and it has nice cinematography, but sadly, these are the only areas where it succeeds. Dull, tedious, poorly-executed and completely thrill-free, "My Soul to Take" ranks among the worst and weakest horror movies of the year, and it's certainly the lowest point in Craven's career.

• My Rating: 3.75/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: 09% (2.8/10)
• IMDb: 4.8/10

[3.75/10] The Intruder (2010)

The Intruder (2010)

Thai filmmakers continue to provide us with second-rate, crappy horror movies, and "The Intruder" is no exception. In 1983 before the giant Suvarnabhumi international airport was built, the neglected area was called "King Cobra Swamp" by the locals. As building commenced, a huge old Banyan tree blocked the construction's path. A work crew call in a mechanical digger to remove the tree. As the roots are torn from the ground, 1000s of cobra bones explode from the earth, tearing them to pieces. After the passing of the grim massacre, witnesses who survived tell strange stories about an evil Cobra spirit. Years later when a new apartment block was built on the grounds, Nin, the building's owner, has to face the horrifying matter when hundreds of cobras hellbent on killing every living person in the apartment appear. The story may sound good on paper, but sadly, in terms of execution, storytelling, acting and entertainment value, "The Intruder" is a pretty lackluster effort. The plot is almost non-existent, there's absolutely zero character development, and film as a whole is as incoherent as it gets. On top of that, the film is about 20 minutes too long, and totally unwatchable and quite confusing in its final part. "The Intruder" doesn't even fall into the 'so bad it's good'... it's not even campy-fun like "Snakes on a Plane". It's just one big mess of a movie, a sub-par horror flick that lacks thrills, chills, decent story and engaging characters. Performance-wise, this Thai horror flick also fails to deliver. The cast is headed by Akara Amarttayakul and Apinya Sakuljaroensuk, and while both actors got the looks, neither of them truly shine to their acting capabilities. The rest of the cast is just plain bad, as the acting ranges from annoyingly over-the-top to completely terrible. On a positive note, "The Intruder" is quite atmospheric, visually. The pastel blue tint of the cinematography feels very appropriate for the "horrific" subject matter, and the building where the action takes place, is quite grim and creepy. Unfortunately though, the special effects and gore effects are poorly done, and the CGI snakes themselves look ridiculously fake and cheesy - you won't believe for a minute that those cobras are real. Gory and bloody, yet lacking in scares, "The Intruder" is a poorly-crafted horror flick that takes itself way too seriously, instead to revel in its own silliness.

• My Rating: 3.75/10
• Rotten Tomatoes: N/A
• IMDb: N/A