The Ten Worst Films of 2008

On Sunday, the Academy awarded their picks for the best in films for 2008. Most of these films were spectacular works of art. The night before however, were the Razzies, the awards for the worst of the year. Before getting into the best films of the year, let me look back at the horrible films of 2008.

10. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 14%

I loved the first two Mummy films. I found them to be a fantastic re-imagining of the 1932 Boris Karloff classic, even though nothing can touch that one. And I did give this one the benefit of the doubt. Even though it only had two actors from the first two and the director's chair was handed over to the director of xXx and Stealth, I still thought it could be good. Then about half way through, abominable snowmen showed up. And an abomination is a great way to describe this film. For some reason, taking down the same mummy twice wasn't enough for the O'Connell family and they trek to Asia to take down Jet Li's Dragon Emperor. Am I the only person that remembers that Jet Li was supposedly quitting action movies??? A few weeks ago, Entertainment Weekly had an article on Brendan Fraser, saying he should be more well-liked. After seeing the third Mummy, I couldn't disagree more.

9. Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 37%

When Morgan Spurlock made his breakthrough documentary Super Size Me, it was filled with interesting insight into the world's most famous restaurant, even though everyone knew the answer: fast food isn't good for you. In his next film, Spurlock attempted to find the world's most wanted man. But when he finally thinks that he has found him, what does he do? He turns around! He goes back home! His main thesis is even more obvious that Super Size Me's: Hey, everyone in the Middle East isn't a terrorist! Thanks for the update, Spurlock. Go shut your face with another Filet-O-Fish.

8. You Don't Mess With the Zohan

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 36%

OK, I'll go ahead and say it: Zohan wasn't nearly as bad as I thought everyone was making it out to be. But, that also doesn't make it a masterpiece either. There was a time when Adam Sandler used to be hilarious. I think that time stopped at the turn of the century. Watching his comedy career has been like watching the People's Choice Awards: the more you watch, the worse it gets. The film does try some things that I was surprised by, but no matter how deep you try to look, it is still about a counter-terrorist who knows he has found the love of his life when he can only get boners near her. That's pretty much the gist of the plot here. Oh, and the Zohan has sex with and washes the hair of many octogenarians. Makes you almost wish for Little Nicky 2.

7. Mamma Mia!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 53%

This year, Meryl Streep gave, in my opinion, one of the best female performances in Doubt. Yet when I saw her at the Academy Awards, I couldn't see the incredible Sister, but only the overbearing "mamma" from Mamma Mia! A great musical should have people who can sing beautifully and, if the film calls for it, dance. The problem with Mamma Mia! is that no one can do either. The story is frustrating, let me summarize by playing the main protagonist: "Oh my god, I'm getting married. Hey! I'll invite the three men that might be my father and find out who my true father is! How could this go wrong??

The next day...

"AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! I hate everyone!!!!! Men suck!!! My mom sucks!!!! All my three dads suck!!!! Oh but let me explain how I feel through the music of ABBA!!!

6. The Tracey Fragments

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 39%

This low-budget, underground indie starring Ellen Page is horrible because it feels like a pretentious film students' senior project. The Tracey Fragments is about a young girl who loses her younger brother, who only barks for no discernible reason, and has to travel the city trying to get him back. For some reason, she ends up naked on a bus talking to herself. Plus, every scene is broken up into many fragments, showing several different images on the screen at a time, which serves no purpose whatsoever in a film like this. Ironically, the film is too fragmented for its own good and is easily the worst indie film of the year.

5. The Drake Bell two-some

Superhero Movie and College

Superhero Movie Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 15%

College Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 6%

Now, I did not see Disaster Movie or Meet the Spartans, but I'm sure they were worse. But damned if Superhero Movie doesn't try to be just as bad. It's a shame because the superhero genre deserves to be spoofed, unless you could Ghost Rider, in which case it already has been. Like every other Movie movie, the jokes are obvious, every one is seen from a mile away, and they are for the most part painful. What really is disappointing is that Superhero Movie has a sell of what could have been a pretty funny movie, if done in the hands of a Mel Brooks or someone similar, but instead it is once again another example of a spoof that feels like a spoof of the spoof genre.

College films have already hit as high as they ever are going to get with Animal House and Old School, amongst others. But College attempts to make the worst possible college film ever made. Three high school kids go to visit college for the weekend. The fact that they are from high school couldn't be made a bigger deal. Our protagonists are once again the annoying Drake Bell, the humanized version of Cartman and Chicken Little from American Idol. What is so frustrating is that the film revolves around how a fraternity picks on these kids and they vow for revenge. But their "friend", the Cartman-esque guy, does nothing to show that he is a friend and is nothing but a jerk to the other two. Any kids that think this is what college is really like should try to find a community college.

And for these two, Drake Bell earns the Worst Actor of 2008 award.

4. Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 18%

The original Star Wars trilogy could arguably be considered the greatest film trilogy ever. The prequels seem like a quick buck for George Lucas, but still can be entertaining. But nothing feels more rushed, more pathetic and more of a paycheck then Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Taking place during the much-discussed Clone Wars, the film takes place between Episode II and III, even though new characters are introduced that are never seen in the later installments. The Clone Wars are an interesting idea for a film, but don't let the name fool you. The story is actually about whiny brat Anakin Skywalker and new friend Ahsoka Tano trying to save Jabba the Hutt's kidnapped son who farts a lot, which the endearingly name Stinky. The film was used to build excitement for the Cartoon Network show, but if it's anything like the movie, count me out. I'll just say, Jabba's son isn't the only thing that smells here.

3. Strange Wilderness

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 00% (yes, that makes it considered one of the worst films of all time)

What makes Strange Wilderness so horrible isn't its horrible premise: a failing nature TV show attempts to find Bigfoot for big ratings. It is the fact that there are so many great comedic talents here (Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Steve Zahn) that can do absolutely nothing to make this film funny in any way. But the worst part about the film is that if you can even make it though the 87 minutes, the film does not actually have an ending. The final scene, where some sort of conclusion should come, is literally just an outtake. That's it. That's all you get. Thanks for suffering, here's a outtake that is just of us laughing, hahaha...It literally seems like Strange Wilderness knew how horrible it was, didn't finish the script and just said "hey, let's not have an ending. Our viewers are going to be to high to notice anyways."

2. The Love Guru

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 14%

It is easy to tell the moment where Mike Myers stopped being funny. In Austin Powers in Goldmember, Myers skates in as the gold-flake covered villain. From then on, it was obvious that Myers brain was running on fumes. This film seems like the perfect antithesis to Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog was called the best of the year by the Academy, The Love Guru was called the worst of the year by the Razzie awards. Slumdog is an uplifting Indian tale of hope, love and fate. The Love Guru is about a Indian guru which makes me lose all hope in humanity, makes me hate all people involved and wishes my fate would have been to see something else.

Before #1, some films that narrowly missed the worst 10:

What Happens In Vegas: Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher accidentally get married and must stay together to receive $5 million dollars. But the audience wonders: why not just split the damn check?!?

My Blueberry Nights: Norah Jones and Jude Law fall in love over blueberry pie. Yet the only one that can act in the scenes are the pie.

Max Payne: An incredible game degraded into a mindless shoot-em-up, starring Mark "Hey There Goat" Wahlberg.

And finally the worst film of 2008 is:

1. 10,000 B.C.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 9%

There are very few times I can say there is a film with no redeeming qualities. Even Strange Wilderness and The Love Guru got in some cheap laughs. But with 10,000 B.C., I can think of absolutely no reason for anyone to ever see this movie, period. I will go ahead and say this film is an abomination to cinema. Nothing here is good. At all. Even the names are lame. Tic'Tic? Baku? One-Eye. Hell, there's even someone named Ka'Ren. I'm sorry, but it's just spelled Karen, thanks. The "special" effects look like they might have been done on a Nintendo 64 and the story is what Apocalypto would have been like if Mel Gibson hit himself in the head with a hammer a few times. The film couldn't be less historically accurate (did mammoths really help build pyramids?) and the acting is some of the worst actor. I've pretty much come to term that whenever Camilla Belle does a film, it's probably going to be a disaster. Director Roland Emmerich has been continually diminishing returns since Independence Day. He followed that up with Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow and now this abortion of cinema. His newest film coming out in November 2009 titled 2012 is about the apocalyptic events that are supposed to occur on that year according to the Mayan calendar. I wish the Mayans would hurry it up because the sooner the apocalypse comes, the sooner this movie can be wiped on the face of the earth forever.

All photos from Rottentomatoes.com